let the library go

Reality hit when I was holding vomiting child last night.  But it had started Monday when I realized being out three afternoons each week was going to really impact my BSU department.  This doesn’t even address studying.  Or working out.  Or helping Bren with his homework.

Reality hit.  I made the tough choice.  I’d rather have given up my full-time position, but that isn’t how life works now.

I was wrong.  I can’t do all of this.  If I do it, something suffers… maybe even multiple things.

I’m a sad woman.  I hate being wrong.  I hate that I put everyone through this.  I hate being sick too.


sacking out and what the hell??

Slept some today.  Bren was low key and miserable looking, but I think he’s getting past it.  Of course, I thought that about Saturday night too and Monday night was hideous.

I’m not entirely sure what the hell is happening with my system.  You’ve got to be kidding me!  I actually had to apologize to Bren tonight.  At least it seems to be clearing up with the baby now.  oy.

ok.  Time for bed.  I’m dead tired.  If I can make it through tonight without projectile anything, I’ll be happy.  And the move?  The list of to-do’s is LONG.  double oy.


Cosmic jokes

…are not funny.

Although, and keep in mind, this is my seriously “wrong” sense of humor…  the funniest part about last night was Bren sitting up in his bed crying (yeah, bad mommy) and not saying anything to Todd except “Quick!”  Todd lost no time in responding to it and grabbed poor little dude off his bed, got him to the bathroom… just not quick enough.  I woke up, dizzy and sick, to find Bren in bathroom crying and Todd gagging.  From then on, it wasn’t the stuff of humor anymore.  Baby was crying… I wanted to cry… Bren was wailing.

All this at 1:30 in the morning.  Moms should have three arms.  They should also have spare bodies, so when one is sick, the other can take over.  That’s my theory anyway.

I want to go back to sleep, but I need to call the library and talk to Kathy.   I hope she understands.  I hope she will agree to having me start next Monday.  It will get us through whatever the hell this bug is plus moving.  Honestly, if we can make it through this, life will be better.

and no.  I’m not laughing right now.


Two out of four down sick

Brennan once again wins the title for ability to vomit the farthest.  I’m not in the running, yet, although I’ve got that “it’s going to happen any time now” stomach-ache and hot feeling.  Todd’s healthy, for now.  Aidan is just stinky.

We’ve got whatever it is that is cruising through our town right now.  I suggest giving our home a wide containment zone for now.

First day of library job went well, but it kicked my ass physically.  With sick family and move, I’m calling tomorrow to postpone my return and real “start” to next week.  I have to be realistic.  I don’t know how long I’m going to be sick and I’m not going to have them waiting on me daily.  It’s just not right.

Stay healthy, ’cause this sucks.


Another day, more laundry and Meet the Press

My earlybird is up and I’m getting ready to finish off the laundry before continuing packing & studying.  I’m a little tired… the big monkey was up in the middle of the night, sick and vomiting.  Poor guy.  I don’t know what happened, but I know that he’s not going to be very happy with how today is going to be.  It’s no sugar (had plenty at birthday party yesterday) and light foods.

He just wandered out of his bedroom, droopy and very quiet.  I think today will be movies, rest, and some healthy, light snacks.  He’s eating thin slices of apple and actually sounds better than he did last night.  I guess sometimes you just need mom intervention.

The earlybird ate his breakfast, drank his milk, and is pretty much ready to go.  I wish I had his energy….

I read the article that my honey, Electr0hed, posted to his blog.  I agree with the author’s take on Palin’s answers to media questions.  These are simple questions – necessary knowledge for anyone going into an important office in our government.  I’m glad someone besides me noticed that it isn’t even just a case of her parroting the party line…  she really doesn’t say anything of substance.

I won’t go there again, though.

I want to sit back and watch what is happening.  It’s a fascinating thing.

Time for Meet the Press.  I like Tom Brokaw.  His presence and voice soothes me.

OH.  And this ticks me off…  I’m really sick and tired of Republicans & Democrats pointing the finger and blaming.  Who the hell cares??  We are all responsible for where we are as a country.  Let’s all accept responsibility and get to the business of finding solutions for the economy, for the energy crisis, for our over-extended military…

I’m pissed off and I don’t care who is to blame.  I want answers on how to get us out of the situation.  And I’m really tired of having a government that makes us look awful to the rest of the world.  They represent us and if this is how we are, I’m embarrassed.  We could all use a time out and a lesson in basic manners.

That’s it for me.  I’m getting off my teeny soap box and I’m going to go take care of my family and the business of learning.


Saturday Thoughts

I was up early with Aidan, but luckily I got him to mellow out in his bed for a while.  This is effectively “baby snooze”…

Now the kids are up and cartoons are on.  Funny how they have changed so much, and, with cable cartoon channels, it’s not as exciting to get to Saturday morning… but it’s still a fun thing.  Bren will watch them while I organize and start the laundry.

Then it’s packing time.  I need more boxes and a couple bins sure would be nice.  My computing/crafting/sewing area alone needs 4 or 5 boxes.  Then there’s the boys’ room.  oy.  Some of it is already boxed and some of it can be taken over as it is… but there’s a lot to do.

It’s one of those days where I have a ton to do and I’d really love to just slack off.  But it’s not in the cards.  Bren has a birthday party to attend this afternoon. Todd’s taking him out to do the birthday shopping and I’m going to stay here with “monkey butt” so I can get some housework and homework done.  Then we swap duties and I head off to the party with the bigger monkey.  It’ll be a beautiful afternoon, so it’ll be nice to get outside.  It’s just hard because I know I have so much to do here.

And this is a weird thing… I’ve been having a hard time going to bed early each evening.  I just want to stay up.  I think it’s because I don’t want the new day to start, but who knows…  It could just be that I’m too caught up in weird things.

I want to sit down and write out a nice e-letter to my friend, Kimiora, this evening too.  How do you condense what is essentially a lifetime into a letter?  I want to know what she’s been doing all this time too.  I know she’s a botanist – which is very cool!  I know where she lives now and I know she’s an aunt.

I’m still thinking things over.  I’d like to share some of the funny things and definitely the great moments…  but more than anything, I’d like to sit down over a cup of tea and just talk…  Writing is fine.  We all know that I like to write.  It’s just not the way I want to reconnect.  I’d like to hear her stories.  I imagine she has incredible stories to tell.

I suppose this means I need to get things done here – be effective and efficient – take care of work and school.  Then, when a break presents itself, arrange a visit.  That’s what I’d like more than anything.

Minor topic change… Aidan has the washable crayons out.  They’re all over the floor, which isn’t concerning me – yet.  He brought one over to me and was babbling about it.  While he was standing there, his head was tipped down, making his cheeks look fat and round.  The back of his head makes that wonderful curve, his hair curling up slightly where it’s longest near his neck.  I love those lines.  I love the way it’s that ultimately sweet baby-into-boy look that they get when they’re toddlers.

I love that he smiles at me, all gums and little tiny teeth, when I look at him.  I love the way he smells like soap and sugar and just a hint of grubby.  I like the way he looks up at me and I can see his brain working away like mad, but then his daddy comes into the room and it’s all over for mom.  Mom, who?


Got interrupted, made breakfast, did a bit of laundry and STILL there’s three baskets to be done.

Todd and Bren are leaving to do the birthday shopping and I’m fighting a headache.  I suppose I should take something to head it off and get on with my day.  I read the story about the woman who could remember EVERY moment of her life, starting at a point in childhood.  Can you imagine?  Every step I’ve take today, remembered in infinite and boring detail?

Boggles my mind.

I have nothing brilliant or stimulating to add to this.  Today my brain has become sludgy and tired.  I know I need to read, need to immerse myself in the information transfer cycle… need to get up on Wimba and put together a great presentation.  It’s the endless list stacked up in front of the homework and studying that is almost overwhelming.  I want to wiggle my nose, Samantha-style, and have all the packing done.  I want to pull a Jeannie and have everything zapped into place…

That reminds me that I only liked one of the “Darrens” on Bewitched… the cute one, not the geeky one.  The cute one always made me smile and I was just a kid.

Weird, what’ll pop into your mind on a Saturday morning.

Well.  That’d be it for now.  I feel the press and tug of all the other things I need to do.  First, though, a cup of coffee.  A little liquid motivation and an excuse to sit for just a few minutes more.


Bedtime and end of the day

We took the kids to the park tonight and had a “picnic.”  Well.  It was Jack in the Box and a blanket.  The kids ran until they were both bleary, which was within an hour since they’d been going all day at school and gramma’s house.

The little one is bordering on fearless.  I don’t know how he does it.  Even Bren had a sense of self-preservation at a young age.

Anyway, it was one of those days where it felt like an uphill battle just to get things done.  I don’t know if it’s the moon or something else.  It was just a strange day.

But I’m tired now and really don’t feel all that verbal.  I want to crawl into bed, pull the covers up and exit consciousness for a good 8 hours or more.

Goodbye Thursday.  It was interesting.  Now I can get ready for Friday, a much better prospect…