Happy Boxing Day

I’m originally from Canada, so Happy Boxing Day everyone!

I’m going to be totally honest… when I was a kid, I had no idea what the hell this day was.  I honestly thought it had something to do with the pugilistic arts, but I’ve heard other stories and the idea of sharing leftovers appeals more.

I’m at work early, so I have a few minutes for a quick blog post and then I’m going to wrestle with a redesign of a spreadsheet.  Sounds boring, right?  But it’s not!  I love patterns and data and solving mysteries.  Today’s task is all about making our big quarterly budget meetings with program folks easier for both them and for our budget officer.  I know… Still might sound boring, but I actually really love this work.  I’m going to take my moderate Excel skills and build something into our spreadsheet so it won’t be so difficult to compare “gala apples” to “golden delicious”.  Both are financial data but both come from different perspectives.

And I guess that’s where I am today:  A different perspective.

I came into 2019 recovering from surgery, married, dating a wonderful woman, and trying to keep my kids going, especially oldest.

I depart 2019 in such a different way.  I’m still (seriously) healing from that surgery in a few different ways.  I’m in process of getting a divorce and I truly believe that both of us are better off because of it.  I’m no longer poly, except perhaps in how I view the world of relationships and resist the concept of any type of “ownership” between the people involved in them.  I’m wildly happy in my relationship with Spicy Ginger.  My children are both surviving and even thriving, although not in the ways I could ever have imagined.  I’m learning to let them live their lives – to be there to guide (if needed) and support, but not to tell them how to do things.

I’m working in my field, once again, and have found a work “home” that suits me so very well.  I have a lovely boss that is an excellent match for my style.  I’m making friends here at the office and that’s important to me because connections with people will always be one of my primary drivers, even though I’m an introvert.

Growth for me is huge this year and I only see it continuing.  I’ve learned so much about myself and it has shifted my perspectives on an almost continuous basis.  Naive primary impressions give way to new knowledge, both of self and others.  Love is changing how I interact with the world and anger and resentment are giving way to peace.  I’m finding new happiness in this beat up body and my self-discovery makes me feel like I will trundle off into the latter half of my life in much better spirits.

Going into a new decade is kind of a wild experience, even though I know it’s just an arbitrary construct built by our human culture.  Where each year has been met with smaller hopes, I kind of feel like having a fresh decade means we’re open to bigger dreams and expectations.  We can build new ideas into how we’ll proceed from here.  Some will fall when new knowledge crops up.  Some will be refined.  Some will make it to January 2030 when I will be 60 years old.

So in honor of my new theme of love and perspective, here’s my simple plan for the coming decade:  Love more.  Worry less.  Practice gratitude every day.  Become a maker once again and learn something new.

That’s it.  Nothing concrete, really.  Nothing earth-shattering.  But I truly believe this next decade will be wonderful.  Cheers to shifting perspectives and lots of love!

Moonfire

Tired Mom

What a lovely, peaceful day. Being a family of atheists at Christmas is a weird experience, but we do our best to navigate it with care and love. My family by former marriage is very important to me – all of them – and I make sure to be with them when family gatherings happen. Sometimes it’s hard, only because I feel the way my life is branching off from them, but being with them is worth every moment.

I wanted to see SG today but couldn’t and I work the next two days, so I don’t get to see him until Saturday. I’ll make sure next year I have vacation time so I get time with him, too.

For now, though, I’m pooped from hanging out with my kids and from lack of sleep. I’m paying for it with increased pain… ugh, thank you fibromyalgia.

Still… what a lovely, quirky day.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and blessings to all,

Moonfire

Oh my gosh

Spicy Ginger sent me the most incredible message tonight. It was simplicity and it was just what I needed after a weird day. It’s probably the nicest thing ever said to me. It might be another message from him where I kiss the phone screen. Yes… I’ve actually done that with another of his messages. Does it make me a little bit goofy? Why yes, it does. In the best possible way.

I want to kiss his wonderful, beautiful face all over.

Sweet dreams to all,

Moonfire

Sleepy Mom

I’m on mom taxi duty tonight, but all I really want to do is go to bed. My Spicy Ginger and I had a great day. We had a barbaric meat dinner last night, frolicking followed, and then cuddles with his kitty. She nursed on one of her paws, while “gently” kneading him with the other. He’s such a good cat mum, although he still winced at her teeny claws digging into his bare skin.

I’m sitting here, drowsy after our late night shenanigans, smiling at the thought of him. Funny how holding hands with him always sends those electric currents through me.

I knew I’d be tired tonight. I thought perhaps I’d get in a nap before this late duty, but instead I had big bed bonding time with youngest. We’re playing Zen Koi 2 on our phones. So mostly bonding for us is snuggling down on my soft bed and sympathizing as we go through the game levels. He was really sick last week, so we didn’t get our normal bonding time. That meant tonight was overdue and I don’t care how tired I am, I’m not giving up on that time with him.

The work week is about to begin and I’ll be honest, I’m not ready. I dearly love my job and the people I work with are great. I just need more sleep. All the more reason it’s good that I’m not over at SG’s place more frequently. I’m in need of more sleep and he’s not conducive to sleep. Even naps on his couch involve us giggling and screwing around. The battle of icy feet continues, with present stats having us in a dead heat.

Speaking of heat… fuck these damned hot flashes! I’m sitting at 2 months since my last period and I’d be ever so grateful if that was it. I’m so over those days.

Post-reproductive Moonfire wants to enjoy her body in this new stage and it can’t happen soon enough. If the hot flashes could leave, that would be lovely. Then I could snuggle my delicious man and not cook him when the flashes hit.

I know these thoughts aren’t deep. I leave that for days when I’m not tired and lazy. I can feel my brain pondering how soon bedtime will come, with periodic shifts into happy rumblings about work-rough hands on my skin.

No trace of Sunday angst about the upcoming week. Mom-guilt is nowhere in my thoughts this week. I have sore muscles and nibble marks and a yearning to eat the Oreos in the pantry. That’s the status update for now. Sleepy mom heading off to retrieve oldest child and crash for the night.

Cheers,

Moonfire