7 years ago…

I was sick, exhausted and amazed.  Bren was finally with us.  Todd was completely down with a horrible respiratory bug and living on egg nog lattes from Starbucks in the hospital.  (Yes, Starbucks is truly a part of our son’s birthday)

Brennan was long, cranky, and he had an opinion that was expressed loudly and at length.  He’s actually quieter now!

It was incredible.  19 hours of labor.  At one point his heart rate dropped to 60 bpm and things got scary.  We thought we were headed for a c-section, but they put me on oxygen and things got better.  The epidural was the best thing I’ve ever had happen to me and by the time they gave it to me, I was ready to shove the needle in my own back.

There is nothing else I’ve done in my life (except marrying Todd) that even came close to as awesome as giving birth to both my boys.  After I delivered Bren, Todd told me I could do anything!

I look at my beautiful boy now and I can’t believe he was ever that tiny, angry little baby.  I remember lying in bed one morning, curled around his tiny, newborn body and thinking about how ephemeral that stage was and how I hoped I always remembered it.  I do.  I remember when my hand covered his whole back.  I remember his first bath.  I remember when he wouldn’t speak.  I remember when he got talcum powder ALL OVER HIS BEDROOM.  I remember me asking him (while he was in the tub) if he had a booger in his nose and him answering, “No, but I have a poop in my butt.” (and how quickly I got him out of the tub on on to the toilet!)

I remember his little voice, in the back of the minivan, yelling “we’re all gonna die!” while I was driving the speed limit (by the way).

I remember his hurt feelings when the big boys at the park didn’t want to play with him.

I remember how he wanted a sister like Maddy, but was ok with the fact he was getting a brother.

I remember fighting for him at school and failing him when I was too tired to be patient.

I wouldn’t trade a minute of the time I have been his mom and I am grateful that I have all of our lives to try to be the best mom possible for him.

Being me is sometimes a pain in the ass, but being his mom is the best.

Cheers to all on my son’s big day,
moonfire

folly

No reason for the title.  I just like that word.

I’m tired.  No.  That’s not a surprise.  But what the hell, I might as well note it for the record. Here’s something else:  Philosophy has Egg Nog Shampoo, Bath Gel & Bubble Bath (it’s all one, in one container… not three separate items).   It smells like Egg Nog with rum in it.  I have no room for splurges right now, but I got it.  My husband and children will stick like glue to me after I use it.  I might even catch Todd trying to lick my neck.

Now that you’ve been thoroughly grossed out by that image… let’s try something else.

I have to do a project in Microsoft Project over the next two days.  My motivation is lying on the floor, twitching and writhing in pain.

I am not kidding about this.

I’m also not willing to blow my grade in this class due to depressive apathy.

Yay me.

So… I think folly is a good word to use tonight.  And here’s to Egg Nog shower gel.  It’s the little things in life that help.
moonfire

WTH?

I got 100% on the first part of the project I submitted.  I didn’t deserve it.

I’m beginning to wonder if I am WAY too critical of myself.

Or, alternatively, this program is even LESS academically rigorous than I had previously thought.  It’s a toss up.

 

***

Tummy ache.  Up at 3am this morning.  Looking forward to being off the next 4 days so I can actually sleep.

I mean it.

***

Time for a shower and a bit of breakfast, even though my tummy doesn’t like that thought much.  I do get to have lunch with a friend I haven’t seen in a LONG time.  This is a great thing.

Tummy=bah.  Friend=yay.

That about sums it up.

moonfire

I wish I’d written this…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpog1_NFd2Q&feature=player_embedded

Watch it.  Trust me.

I wish my writing was at this level.  Hell, I wish that I’d stop finding excuses and write with this level of honesty.

I believe teachers have the ability to do amazing things for our children.  My son’s teacher is a fantastic, awe-inspiring person who challenges her students, even as she respects their vulnerabilities.

Not many can do what she does.

I’m going to sleep now.  Perhaps I’ll listen to this tomorrow and the next day, finding the inspiration I crave.  Because I need to write.  It’s a hunger for me.  My inner-critic sits there, nattering away at me, driving me to hide.  I’d like to slap that critic in the face, tell her it’s ok if it’s not perfect the first, the second, or even the tenth time.  All that matters, as I tell my son frequently, is trying – giving it your best, even in the face of your own need for that perfect thing that isn’t really possible.

Good night from moonfire

Saturday morning with Queen

Todd’s playing various Queen songs on Youtube.  Man.  That was a damn fine band and Freddie Mercury was mind-bogglingly talented.

Pick a song by them and then do this… imagine years from now.  That song will still be played.  People will still be rocking out to it.

Isn’t that an amazing thing to consider?

And it is a wild thing to consider he’s been gone for 18 years now.  Todd played “Innuendo” which is supposed to be the last song Queen released.  It’s incredible too.

***

It just makes me think.  That’s all really.  And I’m enjoying listening.  It’s like no time has passed since the last time I heard their music.  Freddie still has my vote as greatest rock singer.

***

Time to shower and get the last of the party prep done.  I need to do laundry, clean house and get some reading done for my class.  The day will disappear in a flash of smiles, sugar, and noise.  Just the way a party day should go, don’t you think?

I’m working on a concept for a new blog with Bren.  I’ll still be here, emoting, etc., but this other one will be our joint perspective on the world… with Bren leading the way.  It may be limited at first, but if I can help him find his voice – his way of expression – then it’ll be worth it.  I want him to understand the power that words can have.  And I want him to know that writing is an art worth pursuing…  Actually, there are several arts I want to share with him, but let’s start with writing first.

and this brings me to my final thought before the busy day really takes off:  Art at the public schools here is strictly done with parent volunteers from the classroom teaching it.  No volunteer?  Then a class does not get art instruction.  How sad is this?  Most parents, myself and my husband included, have to work each day.  The implication is that if we cannot take time off (and we all know how bosses love giving time off), our children will not receive art instruction.

I understand… math, language arts, science, social studies, health… list your subject.  They all have to fit into the day, along with play time and lunch time.   Music, library, PE… these are limited to a specific day each week.

Where does Art fit in?

Without Art we lose…

… we lose on creativity

… we lose on expression

…color, line, dimension, form, function, shade

…appreciation for how materials can be shaped, reshaped, pressed together, taken apart

do we even realize how this relates to Engineering, Chemistry, Physics, Math, Writing, Reading, Communication?

***

As Freddie sings “Bohemian Rhapsody” in the background, I close this down.  Inspiration can be found all around us.  I hope I stop worrying about all the stress and open my eyes.  My children need me to return to that enthusiasm.

cheers from party central,
moonfire