Chips Ahoy are evil

I can see each cookie sitting there with tiny horns and little forked tails.

And I eat them anyway, because I’m hungry and it’s going to be approximately two hours before I get home to rummage in our cupboards.  Even when that happens, I’m having tomato soup because I want it.

So there.

[I’d stick out my tongue, but by this point… it’s moot]

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Took the least likely option

I stayed home for part of this morning and slept.  6:30 am came about and I was in no condition to be of any use to anyone.

I woke up about 10:30 and was in to work by 11:30.  I feel better and I feel like I’ve managed to get a few things done.  Now it’s back to editing.  The alternative scenario was not nearly so good, so I made the right choice.

Everyone seemed fine with me staying home.  They know about my sleep issues, so it’s nice to know that they understood.

Back to editing now.  I might actually stay busy this afternoon and that’s an amazing relief.

Cheers,
moonfire

…huh?….gah.

Todd woke me up when he got into bed late.  Bren woke me up yelling because he had a nightmare.

I haven’t been able to get back to sleep since that last one.

It’s 5am and I’ve been up since about 3:30-3:45am.

I got to bed about 11pm.

I feel like crap.  This sucks.

***

So along with the fact that my cheeks are hot and flushed from a massive lack of sleep, I am also feeling that spring urge to clean and purge the house.  Why the hell this feeling had to come over me at 4am is beyond me.  I’ve long suspected that my body has a different biorhythm from the rest of humanity and humanity’s notions of “normal” waking/sleeping patterns.  This does nothing to cure me of that notion.

Makes me want to smack myself up one side of my head and say, wth?

My lack of sleep leads me to two conclusions for the upcoming day:

1. I am going to be grumpy/bitchy/useless all day, until I get my ass to bed tonight.

2. I am going to have a hard time focusing, increasing the likelihood that I will be grumpy/bitchy/useless all day.

***

Now.  At this point, I am faced with a couple of options… none of which sound appealing.  I can stay up now and type this, then do a bit of cleaning/purging and drinking water, then go about my regular day.  I can stay up, get the family out the door and then let my unit know I’ll be in later so I can return to bed and catch up on a bit of sleep (highly unlikely).  Or.  I can go back to bed for all of 1/2 an hour and toss and turn some more, then I’ll get up at 6am and stagger around, getting the baby ready and proceeding with my day.

All of these options sound unappealing and miserable.

What REALLY stinks is that the endless rounds of sick children and sinus infections have left me with no time off.  I’d take the day and get reset on my internal clock, but all that missed time weighs on my mind.

So here is what WILL happen:  I will drink my water… continue this brief bout of bitching and stay up, starting my day (for all intents and purposes) at 3:45am – to choose a time out of the host of possibilities that were likely this morning.

What do I have waiting at work?  This one is easy – I’m attempting to schedule interviews for the replacement at our front desk.  Yay me.  The choices off the hiring register were sad, pathetic options.  So far I’ve been able to reach one of the choices and the other two haven’t called back.  A simple “no thanks, I’m not interested” would be nice.

Oh well.

But my point is this: I don’t have much that is urgent or pressing at work.  I will spend a good portion of my day working on some studying and waiting for the trickle of items that needs to be done.  Once in a while something will fall my way.

Oh wait! I have the editing job.  Damn.  I should have brought that one home with me.

It hit me, the other day, that my being there seems to be a formality right now.  I fill my time, all the while waiting for the bits and pieces that remain of my job.  Is there any question why I honestly feel my job could be deleted and the office/unit wouldn’t suffer for it?  But this is the state government and we all know that you give up a resource and you’ll never get it back, not without a massive amount of groveling and sniveling.

Well.  I could go on, as I’m usually likely to do, but I’ve decided to be a teensy bit productive.  Or I’ll have a cup of hot tea.

It’s a toss-up.

gah.
from moonfire

This is what I’m talking about…

http://electr0hed.wordpress.com/2009/03/29/40-love/

More on the adventure in “tennis” with Bren.

My son cracks me up.  He’s such a funny kid, even when he doesn’t mean to be.  I think I’ll live longer because of my boys.

My mum told me that Grandpa Dan was out of the house like a shot today, in order to get his “Big Guy” aka Aidan Gene.  This is the grandpa that was a Marine in the past.  He’s a tough guy who doesn’t take crap from people.  At the same time, he’s the devoted grandpa that gets to cuddle with the toddler most weekday mornings.

I think that says it all about how we wear different hats, huh?

I’m sitting here, taking a break from editing the new nursing program handbook for the college we’re transitioning into.  I offered to do it because I really like the soon-t0-be Chair of the program and the other woman who teaches in it.  They are fantastic and, as I’ve noted to myself in the past, I’d work for them in a heartbeat.  They have the best energy.

Anyway, this handbook is approximately 51 pages, although there’s a good portion of it that contains duplicate forms for the future students to keep.  I’m having fun with this.  I suspect that they didn’t know what they were getting into when they decided to have me look it over.  I’ve got “scritchy” marks on every single page.  But given that this is for the highly popular, extremely competitive nursing program… I think it needs to be tight.

Still waiting on my midterm grade.  I know I need to be patient… but it’s so hard.  I just want to know and then I can continue on with my work.  Oh crap…  It’s after 4pm.  I suppose I need to wrap up my editing and get ready to close up shop.

One final note… I’m dead tired.  I feel like I’ve been run over.  I don’t think I’ve been drinking enough water.  I get busy and I forget.

I know.  Bad.  Bad, bad, bad Shannon.

tsk.

And I’m supposed to be the MOM.

Cheers,
moonfire

Saturday morning peace

The kids have had breakfast and (cough) so has the dog.  Yes.  He got some oatmeal.

These are the hazards of having a small child who doesn’t grasp the concept of keeping things out of reach of the dog.

Anyway, we’ve got the fireplace on to kill the chill that is lingering down here.  It’s warm and cozy upstairs, but not down here.  That might bode ill for the summer, but we’ll see.

I like living in this townhouse.  It’s comfortable and has enough space to accomodate our “student overflow.”  What is student overflow?  Well, let me describe our kitchen table….  typically it has two laptops, a pile of textbooks, a stack of bills (opened and the refuse discarded), plus there are kid’s projects, container of miscellaneous mechanical pencils, scissors, highlighters… and power cords for laptops… two graphing calculators (mine is pink… so sue me, I like it).  It’s a large, square table and it’s covered.

We could really use a “buffet” table (large) behind our dining table, as that would be a great place for a basket for each me, Todd and Bren.  We could put school supplies, excess books, and other items there.

A friend at work was telling me about the new furniture that her boyfriend just bought and I stopped for a pause after the conversation.  Our household is really all about “student” right now.  I didn’t expect that at 40, but then again I thought I’d have my children when I was 25-30, so life is often about surprises.  Mum and I were wandering through the Pottery Barn in our mall and I looked at the lovely groupings, so polished and grown-up looking… I told her, someday we’ll live more like that …  like grown-ups.  For now though, we are a household of students with all the resulting chaos.  We are also a household with a toddler.  I think that kind of says it all, with regards to the toys… booster chair semi-permanently affixed to the old dining room chair and the continuous parade of books, wooden spoon or spatula absconded from the kitchen drawer, and the cars… lined up in various locations.

I know this won’t be forever and assuredly, someday down the road, I’ll remember the chaos and disorder with a sense of fondness.  Bren won’t have bins of Legos forever and Aidan’s small years will past so quickly, they’ll almost blur.  I already have a hard time remember the fleeting baby months (except for the lack of sleep, which I can do without experiencing again!).

When the boys are older, more independent, and need less of me, I’m sure I’ll be wishing for the little kid chaos.

I doubt I’ll look back on our student status with quite the same nostalgia, though.  I’m ready to push hard, to get through this and to see it in the rearview mirror as something necessary but thankfully done.

Perhaps Todd will view it differently… He certainly needs this experience and I’m glad he found the drive to go for it.  I’m so proud of him for taking this much harder path than the options I had set out for him two years ago.  It’s exciting to watch him dig into these math and science classes with the enthusiasm he has.  I know he’ll be happy to get through it and begin his professional career, but I also think he appreciates this time for what it is.

Me?  I just want to get through this next 15 months.  I want to do well.  I want to achieve these near-term goals… 1st 8-week session, 2nd 8-week session, and another and another until…. graduate certificate in December… Master’s degree in June 2010…. and some day, between now and the end of 2010… I want to be working in a professional capacity.

I’m thinking about getting one of those big planning calendars for the wall in our “study”.  I really want to be able to see the progress.  It gives me a sense of progress when I can check off one day at a time.  Plus I could note my pending assignments, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing!

Anyway, Thunderpants is getting nutty and going through drawers.  I guess that’s my clue that writing time is done for now.  It’s like this:

-laundry

-shower

-dishes

-write shopping list

-pick up Mie Mie kids, get McD’s per today’s request, bring them here – have fun for an hour or two, take them home

-do grocery shopping

-work with Bren on his homework

-do my reading/studying

-prepare some kind of healthy dinner that the picky Bren will eat

-bath time

-bed time

….sweet peace….

Time to go.  Thunderpants is attempting to undo dad’s cleaning efforts.

Cheers from a very busy moonfire