Month: March 2020

Tired

Depression has set in and with it, fatigue. Youngest is dealing with depression, too. Oldest is doing amazingly well.

Visited with my mum tonight… just for a brief time. I gave her a big hug goodbye, social distancing be damned.

Took the kids to see Spicy Ginger and his kitty last night. We are very, very isolated and so is he, so we took the chance and had dinner together. I got to touch his skin and for a brief time my heart was lighter. But at home I fretted… what if we exposed him to something?

But here’s the thing… we need physical touch. Humans desperately need each other. So I will cross fingers that we are all safe. It’s the best I can do when we are trying so hard to prevent spread.

Life is changing. It is a foreign looking place now and I’ve no idea what we can expect.

Moonfire

Love and Illness

Stayed home last weekend, likely with influenza A. Self-quarantined per doc orders and went back to work Thursday. So I got to Saturday and was still coughing and blowing my nose, but took groceries to my Spicy Ginger and stayed with him.

I miss him so fucking much when we don’t get our time together. It’s an ache that stretches through my mind and heart. Yesterday I thought I wouldn’t get to stay with him due to fears of sharing my bug with him, even though I was fairly certain I was no longer contagious. I crawled into bed for a nap yesterday and the tears started. All because I might not be able to spend much needed time with him.

Love is hard on our schedule. It is even harder when he is uninsured and his work requires perfect health at all times. I have to be so careful and take good care with him, much like my immune-compromised mum and youngest. But oh those missed times with him hurt like hell.

He hugged me good bye today and I wanted so badly to drag him to the couch and curl up with him… to laze about and just touch his skin. But we’re busy grownups and stuff needs to be done today, so here I am writing these thoughts down before they evaporate in the mix of busy tasks to be done in advance of the work week.

I can’t smell this weekend as I’m plugged up still. I did nibble his arm in the middle of the night and he slept through it. I love the feel of him under my hands and teeth and tongue. The landscape of his skin is endlessly fascinating to me. His hands on my skin draws itself into my memories in a way that feels permanent. I drove home while those memories replayed over and over.

I have the windows open, letting in light and planning how to disinfect out the illness that has cycled through. Since we’re stuck here, with no chance to get into our own home, I’ve decided we need to make this space better. It will take some time and effort. That will be my new project. Wish me luck.

Here’s to Moonfire and Spicy Ginger… may they continue to hold on to love in this very weird time.

A rough time

I haven’t been posting in a while. My health has been crappy and I’ve been busting my ass to improve my housing situation only to have it all fail.

A kidney stone and what appears to be the flu took me down. The housing thing is tearing me down, too.

I feel like all my luck lives in the realm of love. And if that’s the case? I’ll take it. If money is going to suck and my physical health has taken a brief hit, I can live with that. I’d rather have Spicy Ginger and be broke as shit, if it were a choice.

That’s me counting my blessings. In the meantime, my dear friend has breast cancer and I’m asking for all the good health vibes for her, please. Nothing else matters as much as that.

Moonfire