SNAP & My Education Addiction

Oh boy. As a part of the requirements for my youngest and I receiving SNAP (more commonly remembered as food stamps), I have a work and training requirement to fulfill. Now given that I have 32+ years of work experience, as well as two degrees, it’s kind of humorous to be offered training like the following:

• resume writing…. I’ve been helping people revamp their resumes for more than 15 years
• interviewing techniques – Um, yeah. Not a problem for me.
• soft skills – Ok, this one really makes me laugh. I conduct trainings. I have worked in higher education for almost 15 years. I worked in customer service for decades (when you consider that almost every single job I’ve held required superior customer service and interpersonal skills)

And so on…

But here’s where I went down the rabbit hole this evening when I should be sleeping: I can get free online college courses. I found one that is perfect – grant writing!!! So I’m signed up for it and excited to see if it could help me get some well-paying part-time work. But then I kept exploring.

Uh oh. I found the philosophy courses! DAMN. Introduction to Critical Thinking and Logic!! Moral and Political Philosophy!!

I have them bookmarked. I had to chuckle, though. They are offered for college credit or just with a certificate. So… yeah… I do NOT need more college credits.

And that’s when I laughed and felt that ping of joy that I always get when I find a subject area I want to explore. When I started dealing with my cognitive decline and my difficulties working, I had several people close to me express concern about my plan to do the second degree for mental health counseling. At least one person said they wanted me to be happy and not have that deferred.

Here’s the thing, and it’s critical: I am at my happiest when I’m with my fellow seekers, eating up great subject matter. What I don’t like? Isolated learning. The Socratic Method is my jam (to be a goofball and bring some lightness to this topic).

It was once suggested to me that I should simply join a book club and that would meet that need. I wish that worked, but it just never really has hit it for me. I love having a “leader” – a teacher/mentor/guide – who leads me and a group of learners on a path. I even, sometimes, enjoy being that leader. I love the peeling back of those layers until you discover the gems or sometimes “truths” of the subject matter. I love being challenged to push outside of that complacent fatigue that is my day-to-day living, so I can write a research paper or dig into a reading that I would never discover because my world is already littered with project ideas that I can’t complete due to my itty-bitty attention span.

The urgency of the arc of the semester of learning keeps my brain chemistry pinging so I can focus (mostly) to do all that is needed. I’m probably built as the perfect chemical combo for a student. I love the rush of the start of the semester and the slog that you hit when your fatigue starts to kick in towards the end of the semester, but then HA! You cross the finish line and get a bit of a rest before it all starts again!

I was a so-so electrical engineering student. I was a great chemistry student. I meandered as an economics student and thrived as an English major. The list could go on and on because I have been an academic explorer and now that I know about my inattentive ADHD, holy SHIT, I understand why!

So now I’m sitting here, out in the “academic cold” so to speak, until the application period opens for the program I want so much I can barely stand the wait. And I will do all I can to hold on, fighting off my impatience, until finally – FINALLY – I can begin the program I feel like I have been waiting my entire adult life to begin.

Until that endless-feeling wait wraps up, I have found a way to give my brain some new training within the constraints that time has wrought upon me. My cognitive issues will be addressed via (hopefully) weightloss surgery, diet/nutrition changes, exercise, and the massive reduction in stress that came about because I left full-time work (for now???).

I’m going to teach myself how to learn in an academic environment again. So thank you GOP jerks who think SNAP is some kind of awful entitlement instead of a way to help those who might otherwise be completely food-insecure. I’m grateful that I’m going to get what I need from this situation, even though it’s probably not what you were hoping for.

In a few years, when I start my counseling practice and I start working with children and youth, I will look back on these writings and smile. Then I’ll probably turn back to my laptop and scout out continuing ed opportunities in my field, because really? I’m chronic.

Moonfire

July 5th Fatigue

Yeah. Tried to go to bed at a decent hour last night. NOPE.

Stupid booms kept me awake. So I’m dragging this morning.

In other news… I’m nesting. I’m finally getting my stuff sorted since Oldest moved out in May. I have picked up a desk, bookshelf and a dresser off Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace. I love getting good deals on groovy pieces that I was missing. This desk? Damn… It MAKES me want to write! It’s fucking gorgeous…. black, slightly beat up, and perfect for my office space in my bedroom. I’ve moved my filing cabinet in here, too. The idea is that I will stop piling up papers and will actually file them away as I do whatever it is I need to do with them. I’m still sorting stuff and carefully putting it all away, so this plan will take some time but at least I have the “infrastructure” in place to make it possible.

I really like having a working space in my room. And there is still lots of space in my room to stretch out, even with my tiny twin bed. I have to say that I love that bed. My only (and I do mean ONLY) complaint is the mattress. It’s too soft. I really wish I’d had the money to get a better one, but that’s life. It’s kind of humorous to be 52 and sleeping on a twin bed, but I wouldn’t give it up for anything. It’s a wooden frame from the 1940’s that I repainted (it was in really rough shape).

Today I’m picking up my “new” dresser from a fellow goth who is moving to California. We just bonded on Messenger and I’m looking forward to meeting her this afternoon.

The only other thing I really need is a decent vacuum cleaner. So I’m working on that, too.

Spicy Ginger is still working the massive build-job. It’s great that he has the income that results from it, but boy, I can tell he is being pounded by this horrible heat wave on top of the long hours. So I saw something on a friend’s feed this morning and I think I’ll put it together for Spicy Ginger, youngest, and myself for our evening meal. The heat makes cooking rough, but this open tray of cold foods could be perfect. We’ll see.

Pain flares today. Actually, I’ve been in pain flares for the last couple of months and they’ve accelerated during the heat. I got another burning patch under my tongue last night. That makes 3 times now. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Those hurt so much! The ones in my hands are starting to get on my nerves (HA! Fibro pun!). They hurt and they interfere just a bit with my functioning. I really hope this isn’t the start of a bigger decline. I really need a break.

Well, it’s time to get back to self-care and cleaning/organizing. My dear friend, H.H., reorganized my cupboards and pantry and now I can actually find our food stuffs! The mental lift from it is huge, as well as the financial lift because I know what I have and what I will need. It truly made my year, as that has been weighing on me but was overwhelming.

Here’s to a tired Moonfire… May the day be productive and the flares minimal.