The latest from our corner of earth

I’ve been slacking.  I know this.  But honestly, I’m trying to keep up with life in general and I’m working on very little sleep.  This isn’t an unusual state for me, but it’s the reason I haven’t been keeping up with this blog.

I’ve been reading the news lately, cringing at the insane things our leaders keep coming up with.  Honestly, they are so completely out of touch with the regular people in this country that it’s almost a grand joke.  Between GW and our governor, I’m fairly convinced that they live in cloud cities where reality is never allowed to intrude.

All I can do at this point is shake my head and take care of my family as well as I am able.

I have spring fever right now and I am dying to plant flowers.  Given that I have an extreme “black thumb” this is seriously strange.  I can’t help it.  Something about our little house is begging me to plant growing things and to make it feel loved.

Our landlord told me to plant anything I want.  That and he’s ok’d me to re-paint the front door.  So I’ll tackle that next weekend.  This one is devoted to ridding our yard of the brush-pile.  It’s already killed the grass, but perhaps we can at least get things looking better.  That reminds me:  we need to get a small lawn mower.  I’ll have to start watching sales. 

Anyway, I’m ordering clematis and some hardy kiwis to grow, along with a mixed assortment of perennials for the streetside of our hedge.  The young people that live down the street from us think it’s a repository for beer bottles.  I intend to make it pretty so they rethink that notion.

I did notice yesterday that I’ve got lovely bright yellow snowdrops in our front garden area.  They are partly overwhelmed by the ivy, but I intend to cut it back and give them a chance. 

I’m so excited about spring that I can hardly stand it.  It’s really weird.  I’ve never been a gardener before – at least not since I was a little kid.  There is something about this house that is bringing it out in me.  I like that.  It’s a reinforcement about the house actually being our home.

Now if only that distant relative would pass some money our way so we could buy it right away.  I do know that the best things in life are worth working for and the wait will be fine.  I’m just praying that Max and Vanessa can wait while we get things in shape for being approved. 

It’s time to get back to work.  Break is over and I have the papers on my desk calling me in their remote, silent way.

Cheers,
moonfire

It’s been a while, mostly due to life intruding

A friend at work commented that it seems like he can never get everything done.  I completely understand.  And worse yet?  He has teenagers.

I thought it would get easier (at least from the “time” standpoint) as they got older. 

Here’s the list of things I can’t see to get done:

1.  Working out. 
2.  Unpacking everything into the house (still).
3.  Grocery shopping, at least on a semi-regular basis.
4.  Hobbies – boy that one’s a laugh!

The laundry gets done, often at the expense of other things.  The dishes are kept up, for the most part.  The kids are fed, bathed, clothed, and played with.

The rest is a disaster.

I think the hardest part about it is my ability to be a slob has evaporated into a raging need for order.  Unfortunately, my hormone situation took over this weekend and I was left with nothing.  It’s been a misery and I could swear that it’s getting worse.  I’m trying to hold off for the surgery until May, but I’m currently going through the temptation to schedule it for an earlier date.  Even Todd sees that something is awry in my system.

I’ll give it one more cycle and if it’s continuing to worsen, I’ll see about bumping it up on my schedule to April. 

Along those lines though, I was at Bren’s swimming lesson and I saw a toddler – a little red-headed girl – of about 1 or 2 years old.  I love my boys dearly, but for that evening, I wished that I could have one more.  I’m not entirely unrealistic.  I know that my body has taken a beating with my pregnancies and even more, I know that we can’t afford it.   I’ve got graduate school beginning this fall and with Todd & I in school, things are already pressure-filled enough.

It didn’t stop my heart from hurting for just a bit.  As miserable as I was in my last pregnancy, saying good-bye to those “baby” years is a tough thing.  There is something wonderful about sitting with that little person cuddled up to you, enjoying the baby-smell and feeling that soft skin. 

At the same time, my ability to deal with the demands of a baby are coming to a slow-down, with full-stop imminent.  Bren is at an age where it’s getting fun exploring his thoughts on the world at large…  He’s learning to count to 100 and he has a couple books that he reads to ME now.  He is curious and loving and funny.  I don’t want to go back to the baby years.  I want to enjoy all that is coming for him as he begins school this year.

 Aidan is growing so quickly that it’s almost scary.  He wants to walk.  Actually, I think he wants to run.  He is insistent, now, that his Dad has to play with him.  Yes, he still loves to cuddle with me and bottle time is our bonding time, but he is growing up and away from me.  His smile is amazing and I’m fairly certain that he needs a crash helmet, but then again… I remember thinking that about Bren too.

Bren wants me to sew his “space” quilt… so I need to get the office/sewing space fully ready to go.   I suppose I could count that in the “hobby” column. 

Working out?  Well…  I don’t know.  Swimming lessons for Bren are important.  Work is important.  Sleep is important.

Maybe I can simply worry it off….

I sang a part of a Queen song to Bren this morning.  He was having a hard time waking up and I knew it would make him smile. 

I want to ride my bicycle.
I want to ride my bike.
I want to ride my bicycle.
I want to ride it where I like…

Yeah.  I think it was just as much for me as anything. 

Cheers on a Monday morning, beautiful in all it’s rainy glory!
moonfire.

counting blessings

I’m typing one-handed as I’m feeding the baby while I write… I guess this is an absolute “mum” moment.

Ok. Done now. Good thing too. Hard to type one-handed… really hard.

I’ve been thinking about this since yesterday – maybe even longer than that. Here’s the story: My oldest LOVES vegetables. I don’t mean he just eats them. He will choose them over other foods, consistently. In a sea of things that can drive a parent nuts about their kids (the gimmees, the not listening, arguing, whining), this is one thing that I have to count my blessings about. It’s an amazing thing to watch. His favorite meal is steamed broccoli and chicken nuggets. Now I KNOW that chicken nuggets are nutritionally void, except for a bit (and I mean a BIT) of protein. They are mostly filler and bread. So I handled that one by going to vegetarian chicken bits, so at least they are marginally better.

Here’s the kicker though… He will eat maybe one or two of the nuggets and that’s with prompting. He will eat the ENTIRE bag of steamed broccoli. Four servings (adult sized no less) of broccoli. He loves green beans. He likes salad. He eats tomatoes, carrots, and cucumbers. Dad just started making sauteed bok choy – Bren eats that too – and – asks for more.

He eats fresh fruit.

Getting him to eat meat is a fight.

What I finally realized is this: why fight it? I’ll find ways to get protein into his diet. I’ll give him full-fat cheese. The kid is thin and active. He’s not under-weight and his skin is amazing. He knows I don’t like him to eat sugar and soda is a no-no unless it’s a very infrequent treat.

I need to quit worrying about what he eats. I need to be proud of the fact that he loves vegetables and I need to keep bringing new things in for him to try. I made “creamy carrot soup” last night. It wasn’t a total success, mostly because I deviated from the recipe, but also because of the texture – the creamy part was good…. but I put a bit of celery seed in it and there was a gritty texture, plus bitter after-taste that didn’t work for either me or Bren.

So I asked him… what if I made a sweet carrot soup? He said “sure” he’d try it.

Here’s what I’ll do… I’m going to use purified water, carrots, brown rice syrup, agave syrup, cinnamon and ginger, plus my secret ingredient – tofu. I’ll use a bit of grated orange peel, coriander and fresh orange juice too. There will be a touch of sea salt, to balance it.

It’s going to be an experiment. I can’t guarantee that it will be wonderful, but perhaps it will be yummy. I’ll post a note about the results here.

This works as an update on the detox diet. It’s going well, although I admit that I’ve been slipping a bit. It’s fine though, because, in all honesty, I’ve been eating so much better that it’s amazing. My weight is dropping and I feel better. I’m sure that I’d feel even better if I was being fully adherent, but the truth is that I am weak about food. I look at something – a picture, a description, or worst of all – a scent – and I begin imagining the taste and texture.

I’ve often toyed with the notion of being a pesce-ovo-lacto vegetarian, because I don’t care for the taste of meat most of the time. I can’t give up shrimp or crab. I love cheese. I like eggs – usually.

My thought is that Bren would probably be fine with that concept. He’s verging on it anyway. I don’t count fast food as that stuff has no right to be called food. For the record – he’ll eat cheeseburgers from fast food places, although he won’t eat chicken from there. I can satisfy that cheeseburger urge for us with boca “american flame-grilled” veggie burgers… yum! They taste great with ketchup and cheese. (Yep, yet more “bad” stuff….. but I can live with it!)

Aidan HATES the meat baby foods…. He looks at us with a horrified face, then spits it out. I need to research babies and tofu. He’s fine now, due to his formula, but eventually I’ll have to do something about it.

Top all this off with the news of a huge beef recall.

I wonder if perhaps fate and our children aren’t working in tandem to set us on a certain path?

And Todd is doing well with the detox diet. If we can be compliant and stay away from meat, he might consider the family being more vegetarian (in an extremely loose sense of the word – no offense given to TRUE vegetarians), while he can periodically do his manly steak thing.

As for all of us…? Our favorite place to eat is one of two seafood restaurants here in town. Ask Bren where he wants to go and he says “Red Lobster!”

“Mom, are you going to get the crab? If you do, I want some…”

I am SO lucky. Time to count blessings.

I love my family!

cheers,
moonfire.

Back to work in about an hour

So Gramma is down with it now.  We got the call last night.  I was going to head to work today, but instead I’m home with the kids.  It’s good.  I think I needed some more time home anyway.  Poor Gramma.  Actually both grammas have it now.

We’re just counting down until the granpa gets it too.  That’s really going to suck.

I feel much better, although I feel weak, tired and my mouth is killing me.  Not sure why, unless it was from all the acidity?  No idea.  Just glad to NOT have a temperature.  Work is going to suck.  Missing this much time is awful.  Will work 3-4 hours today, 9 tomorrow and then 3-4 on Saturday.  Lucky me.

I really wish my mouth wasn’t hurting.  I think I’d almost feel human if it weren’t for that aspect.

Detox diet is going in spits and spurts.  Hard to detox when you have no appetite except for crackers and toast.  Sipping vitamin water and just had hot soup.  At least I have something in my tummy.

Wishing good health to all,
moonfire.

Sick family

This will be brief as I’m fairly tired.  Some kind of nasty virus is working it’s way through my family.  I had severe nausea, headache and fatigue… the baby had diarrhea and vomiting…  Bren and Todd have had severe vomiting, headaches and temps.

Misery.  If you live in the Boise area, be warned – it is going through town like wildfire.  It got in our house because I went to a friend’s house last weekend and her daughter was vomiting.  Now it’s burned through my house and it appears to have about a 6 day incubation period, so by the time you know you’re sick, you’ve already infected other people.  My oldest (and sickest one) was at a birthday party on Saturday and about 1/2 an hour after he got home the symptoms showed up…  which means he may have zapped 9 other kids.

I’m keeping everyone home today and hoping that we see the last of it soon.  It started Friday for the baby and Saturday for everyone else.  Bren still has a temperature this morning, so he’s not done yet (and he just threw up the liquids he tried to get in this morning).

I don’t know why it hits some harder than others.  It’s strange.  I guess I’m lucky?  Or I haven’t fully had it yet.  Crossing my fingers for the first option.

Oh and I forgot about the stomach cramping.  Bren’s a bit dehydrated and he’s got stomach cramping that makes him cry.  It’s periodic and after being told to head into the ER last night (checked in with on-call nurse from our pediatrician’s office first), doc said it’s the stomach cramping with the virus.  Just glad it isn’t appendicitis on top of everything else.

ok, off to keep children quiet and hydrated.  Tired, tired mommy here…

moonfire.

And off we go!

Todd is taking over the family nutrition.  We’re going on the detox diet – organic, vegetarian, healthy.  We’re tired and we’re tired of feeling sick.  All the junk food, all the heavily processed foods… we’re cleansing it out of our systems.

I’m just glad he’s taking over.  I’ve got enough going on trying to clean up our finances and prepare for school this fall.  I think it’s a fair split – I handle financial health and he handles nutritional health.

Ok.  I’ve got to get up and get laundry done.  The baby and I have picked up some kind of  GI bug, so I’m moving much more slowly than last weekend.  I wish I had the energy to work on things but right now I feel like crap.  Yay me.

cheers from chaos central,
moonfire.

Two down…

Bren just lost his second tooth, bottom front.  He lost his first baby tooth on January 30th and now here his second is gone on February 6th.  Poor guy was traumatized by this second one – partial loss and blood, but now it’s gone.  I guess the tooth fairy better step up tonight.

We’re ready to go on paying our taxes and I’m just waiting on one final 1099 that may be delayed due to the address change in November.  Then we just need to get through March and the first 4 days in April so the old lease is resolved and we will be moving forward with all the old traumas from the past fading into distant memory.

That will feel good.

Todd and I have talked about how it will feel when we come to that time.  I don’t know that I can imagine how it will feel, having become accustomed to the perpetual sense of impending doom hovering in the background.  And no, that isn’t me being dramatic, it’s a very real feeling that comes from the fact that I have no way to ensure that things will go smoothly.  All I can do is be prepared, in whatever manner possible, for the worst case scenario.

My assumption is that as of April 5th, 2008, I will feel a sense of freedom that has been long in coming to us.  The future is here now, with so much possibility that it could be overwhelming.  For both of us, education is the key to a more happy and secure future.  The work is intense and we are looking at about 4 to 5 years of doing with less of everything: less money, less time, and less freedom.  That investment will be worth it.  I have no doubt about it.

I wish I could reassure my boys – tell them that all of the craziness will be good for our family.  What I have to do is simply give them the best of myself until then.  I know Todd feels the same.  I am so thankful that he’s taking the summer off to be with them. 

He should be calling me anytime now to say that he’s here to pick me up, so I suppose I should close this.  Life is good.  There are times when I am worried, fretful, and even sometimes overwhelmed by everything.  I’ll survive this next few months and all will be well.  I have faith.

Even more?  I have a wonderful family.  That’s something I always have to keep foremost in my mind.

Cheers,
moonfire.

Hmm, it’ll be a relief to go back to work!

This may or may not turn into a rant, so here goes…

I’ve been busting my ass all weekend.  I completed our taxes, finished both our FAFSA’s, unpacked more boxes and bins (and have no idea how many it’s been).  I’ve been doing laundry, dishes and taking care of kids.  Yes, I’ll be glad to go back to work.  Maybe I’ll be able to rest up a bit.

I’m sitting here, looking at all I’ve accomplished and instead of seeing the successes, all I can see if the huge amount remaining to be done.  It’s overwhelming, but I keep thinking that if I just get one more thing done I’ll be on the quick slope to finishing.

The truth of it is that there is never a finish.  There is always more laundry to do – more dishes to wash and more things to do to keep the kids healthy and fed.  It’s a never-ending to-do list and sometimes it brings me down.  I can see the days stretch out ahead and I wonder at what point numbness will set in.

Other times, it’s not so bad really.  It’s satisfying when the house is clean and I can hang out with Bren and Aidan.  I guess the problem right now is that I can’t even get to the “house is clean” stage.  I have to come up with some sort of plan so I can feel like I get there (even if it’s an illusion).  I want the great room area done today so that I can look at one space and see it as a normal living space.  That’s all I want.

I have to head out with the kids around noon to help a friend out.  Her situation is helping me to keep a bit of perspective on my own.  She’s got an injured back and can’t do anything right now.  She’s relying on others to help her out – family, friends, and her babysitter.  So I’ll go give her a hand and do some things so she won’t stress.  The kids will hang out together and watch Air Buddies.  Then I’ll come home and try to meet this one, single goal I have.

It’s hard though.  I have things that I’d like to do for fun – some sewing projects…. read a book or two… maybe even start working out again.  Instead, every minute that I’m here and I’m not getting something accomplished, I feel like I’m wasting.

On that note, I need to go get in the shower while the baby is taking his nap.  Then dishes, then more laundry.

A friend once told me that any person would LOVE to stay home with the children, rather go to a day job.  His naivete and lack of understanding astounded me then.  Now I just want to laugh.  Any person who thinks that it is easier to stay home, keeping everything going and making sure that the children have all that they need….  Well.  They deserve to be reincarnated as a stay at home mom or dad.  It’s a tough job.  It’s hard work, every day of the week.  You never get to “go home” and have a weekend.  I’ve been both – the worker supporting a family AND the stay at home mom.  So has my husband.

We learned our lesson about it fast.

I sincerely hope my friend gets the same lesson.  I’d love to have that apology from him some day.

Cheers from moonfire –
the financial planner
the tax accountant
the taxi and bus driver
the cook/baker/sous chef
the nurse
the caretaker

the mom.

Well here it is, Friday

I suppose first I need to say this:  I slept last night.  I got almost 8 hours and I feel much better today.  I’m hoping that because of this, my thought processes will be much better.  The baby and I were up at 5:15 this morning.  We enjoyed some cuddles and his early morning bottle, then I started trying to get going for the day.  It was hard and by the time Todd and the boys dropped me off for work, I needed a cup of coffee.  I opted for decaf, mostly because I want to get by on my own energies for today.

I received an email in my inbox today that came from my subscription to MSN’s Jim Jubak.  He’s a financial writer and I find him extremely interesting to read.  His article for today is about the similarities between what is happening in the US financial markets and the crash that happened in Japan in the 90’s.  If you have an interest in these kinds of topics, check him out at:  http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/JubaksJournal/IsUSEnteringJapansNightmare.aspx

I don’t always agree with his take on things, but interestingly enough, I had started to mull this over too.  This is interesting because, frankly, I have no expertise in the financial world.  I read a great book about preparing for retirement – one that explained about diversification of assets, compounding interest, the stock markets and investing – but beyond that, most of my knowledge is gleaned through articles and watching what happens in the world at large.

So even if you aren’t big on financial-type reading, check it out and give it a chance.  His comparisons are interesting and educated. 

Along the lines of the financial markets and this whole real estate meltdown, I was thinking today about the necessity for person responsibility on a micro-level, i.e., the consumer/borrower.  We can look at the mistakes made by the big corporations, the mortgage brokers and mortgage companies, as well as the craziness of those involved in the stock market, but we also need to look at ourselves.  I know there are many out there who are intelligent and manage their finances in a mostly “bullet-proof” way, but I also know there are a ton of us out here who don’t.

I say this, as my husband and I have just gone through a foreclosure on our house.  Admittedly, we tried and tried to work with our lender, long before anything went bad for us.  We had never been late on our mortgage and essentially the lender refused to work with us.  Even with that situation, we still kept working on trying to take care of things.  We sold the house ourselves to a buyer with an agent, did all the buyer-required repairs and requests (with all the associated costs) and then two days before closing the sale fell through because the buyer of our buyer’s home (in an agented deal) had not disclosed they had a house to sell – and it hadn’t sold.  The whole thing fell through, with no recourse on our part as we were a third party.

These are just a portion of the details, but in essence, we were left with a rough situation – committed to a 12-month lease with a friend and her daughter, payments on a house that we could no longer afford due to the move and the lease, and a brand new baby.

We had turned down another offer while the house was in “contracted” status and we were no longer in a position to continue to market the house ourselves.  It was a sad day. 

From that point onward, we joined the ranks of those homeowners caught in a downward spiral.  We couldn’t refinance because we weren’t living in the home.  We couldn’t rent it because rents were too low to cover what we would need. 

So back to my comment about personal responsibility.  We were responsible for our situation because we signed the mortgage contract with a hard prepayment penalty in the first place.  A hard prepayment penalty, for those who’ve never encountered it, means that even if the house is to be sold there is a penalty before the end of the period noted on the contract.  Here’s the thing about it:  We could have gone with another lender who was offering a soft prepay (no penalty if the home was sold).  We didn’t, in order to save a few dollars each month. 

I can rant and rave all I want about the lender we had and how they blocked us at every turn, but it all began back when we were shopping for our mortgage.  That is why I talk about accepting responsibility for our actions.  We could never have forseen some of the things that came for us just two short years after we got that loan (our penalty period was three years), but that’s where the notion of “bullet-proof” finances comes into it.

We have been living the fat life in this country for quite a while.  I know not everyone had done it and I know a lot of people who were left out of it altogether.  We still have too much poverty in this country.  But I stand by this:  credit was easy to get and look at what happened to our national savings rate.  With interest rates so low, earnings on savings were almost non-existent so it made more sense to keep getting and paying down credit.

It looked like the boom was going to keep on booming and even with the gradual increases in the rates, things were still good.

All things have a life span.  The boom ended and people and companies got caught with their shorts down.  I watched that big decrease in rates that the Fed did in an emergency move last week and I felt a sort of pessimistic glumness.  I know that we need to try to prevent a major crisis in the financial markets.  If we don’t many of the people on the bottom end of the financial spectrum could be hurt, as well as those folks facing impending retirement even out as far as the next five years.  I just wonder, again in my humble, not-so-educated opinion, how much we need to stop our own personal behaviors and get back on track as a society as a whole.  We’re in a business cycle – a process – and it will do this kind of up and down.  Some of this mess is going to have to work through on it’s own.  Government can do what it wants, but that seems to be apparent to me – the “little guy.”

What I think needs to happen now is that all of us little guys need to fortify ourselves.  We need to circle the wagons (I know, this is loaded with bad metaphors)…  Do what you can, even if it isn’t much each month, to decrease your expenses and find a way to set aside something into savings.  I know it’s hard.  Actually, I know it’s really hard and up to this point I’ve never forced myself to do it.  I think the time has come to get aggressive and move away from the edge, where it has become so easy to live.

I’m pooping out and I think it’s time to get down off that soap box.  My break is over and I need to get back to earning my $11.96 per hour.  I’m glad I have a job and insurance and medical benefits.  My family members are in good health and we have a solid roof over our heads.  Even with all the bad news out there, we are doing well.  The storms will eventually pass.  I just hope that not too many of the little guys get hurt in the process.

Stay warm and safe,
moonfire.