This may or may not turn into a rant, so here goes…
I’ve been busting my ass all weekend. I completed our taxes, finished both our FAFSA’s, unpacked more boxes and bins (and have no idea how many it’s been). I’ve been doing laundry, dishes and taking care of kids. Yes, I’ll be glad to go back to work. Maybe I’ll be able to rest up a bit.
I’m sitting here, looking at all I’ve accomplished and instead of seeing the successes, all I can see if the huge amount remaining to be done. It’s overwhelming, but I keep thinking that if I just get one more thing done I’ll be on the quick slope to finishing.
The truth of it is that there is never a finish. There is always more laundry to do – more dishes to wash and more things to do to keep the kids healthy and fed. It’s a never-ending to-do list and sometimes it brings me down. I can see the days stretch out ahead and I wonder at what point numbness will set in.
Other times, it’s not so bad really. It’s satisfying when the house is clean and I can hang out with Bren and Aidan. I guess the problem right now is that I can’t even get to the “house is clean” stage. I have to come up with some sort of plan so I can feel like I get there (even if it’s an illusion). I want the great room area done today so that I can look at one space and see it as a normal living space. That’s all I want.
I have to head out with the kids around noon to help a friend out. Her situation is helping me to keep a bit of perspective on my own. She’s got an injured back and can’t do anything right now. She’s relying on others to help her out – family, friends, and her babysitter. So I’ll go give her a hand and do some things so she won’t stress. The kids will hang out together and watch Air Buddies. Then I’ll come home and try to meet this one, single goal I have.
It’s hard though. I have things that I’d like to do for fun – some sewing projects…. read a book or two… maybe even start working out again. Instead, every minute that I’m here and I’m not getting something accomplished, I feel like I’m wasting.
On that note, I need to go get in the shower while the baby is taking his nap. Then dishes, then more laundry.
A friend once told me that any person would LOVE to stay home with the children, rather go to a day job. His naivete and lack of understanding astounded me then. Now I just want to laugh. Any person who thinks that it is easier to stay home, keeping everything going and making sure that the children have all that they need…. Well. They deserve to be reincarnated as a stay at home mom or dad. It’s a tough job. It’s hard work, every day of the week. You never get to “go home” and have a weekend. I’ve been both – the worker supporting a family AND the stay at home mom. So has my husband.
We learned our lesson about it fast.
I sincerely hope my friend gets the same lesson. I’d love to have that apology from him some day.
Cheers from moonfire –
the financial planner
the tax accountant
the taxi and bus driver
the cook/baker/sous chef