I’ve been up for a couple hours and already we’ve had toddler drama, 6-year old smiles and a groggy daddy drag himself out of bed. I’ve done some laundry… read some of my AIS text…. eaten a few crackers and read an interesting blog. I have final projects to work on, sadly, and I think we’re going to trundle off to Elmer’s for some family breakfast and laughter.
I am stopping and taking a moment to assess… Yes, life is good. It’s funny, but sometimes it’s good to stop and just acknowledge it. We had a “status update” meeting at work yesterday and I felt the same sort of satisfaction about where I am there as I feel at home. It’s a sweet, yet mixed feeling. There is never enough time, is there? I am finding enjoyment at work that will only increase as my knowledge base increases. At the same time, I’m excited to see the backside of these two classes (well… actually, only managerial. I wish I had more time to spend with AIS) – I want to spend at least ONE weekend with my family, not thinking about school or work or external things. I want to just BE with them.
We’re listening to some great music from the late 80’s – music that friends we know had made wayyyy back when. It’s touching a nostalgic nerve. I feel connection to who I was back then and a little peace. We are so different. We’re not static, are we? I was emotionally fragile then. I had big dreams and deep desires. I lived intensely. I loved people and had them let me down. I had people that loved me and I let them down. I fought against so many things. I wanted to impact the world. I wanted to be an active force of change, but often I felt powerless.
Now? I am accepting, so much more than I was then. My dreams are more grounded in the simple, almost mundane. Small things make me happy, like a Saturday morning with my family… and perhaps that’s not so small, to a person with few days left on the planet – it’s all about context. I have thicker skin where my emotions are concerned. I worry less about things that are (to quote an accounting concept) non-material. I fight less and bend more. I still love deeply, but now I focus it to those who matter most and I understand that there are limits on what you can give of yourself emotionally.
I know I’ve said it before, but it’s a good time to say it again: I am happy with aging. Yes, the body isn’t living up to what the brain would like to be able to do, but I can live with that. It appears, at least for me, that the trade-off for peace is my physical condition. And no, I don’t see this as permanent. I can get myself together and regain some of it, but I still think it’s a good deal. I like where I am in life right now.
Aidan is roaming around, intermittently snacking on crackers and drinking his juice. He’s a bit testy this morning and very impatient. Bren has his computer going and he’s watching Youtube videos about Legos…. I’d like to get them in for haircuts today and I suppose this means I need to stop writing (yes, I took a moment off from the study thing to do this… no regrets). Todd has the dishwasher going and I’m fairly certain that the super-sized laundry machines have stopped their loads. Time to do the laundry shift, close this down and get showered so we can take care of a few family chores this morning.
One little extra thought – something happened at work yesterday that took a huge chunk of the school load off my shoulders. I’m going to get Vista Ultimate installed on my laptop, then I’ll load up our software system from my company. I am THRILLED! I can do my final project on the software, simultaneously increasing my learning in it AND getting my project done. Plus, I’ll be able to do at-home practice in the system…. helping me with my job. I also get to experience doing a self-installation, so I’ll understand it from the customer’s viewpoint. Good stuff. Sounds weird, doesn’t it? Then again, if you’d told me a year ago that I’d end up working in tech support for accounting software, I would have thought you were insane. Life has a tendency to throw some seriously weird stuff at you.
The thing is… It is good. Get new information? Make a new decision.
Ok. I want to spend time with my guys before I dig into my homework. Cheers to all on this hot Saturday. May your day be a good one….