I’ll have to go back and look at when I last updated since I don’t remember what I’ve mentioned. Keeping that in mind, this may overlap a bit, I suppose.
We’re living at my mum’s place now. It has been almost 20 years since I last lived here and that was with my then-husband, our toddler (who is now 21) and our doggie, who has crossed the rainbow bridge. It was so different and the house has really aged.
It was the best decision we could make, moving back here this time. Youngest and I were in a sticky situation with too many unknowns and a whole lot of things falling apart. There are positives and negatives to our leaving our home to move in with my mum and much of it was just a lack of knowledge about what we were getting in here.
It’s not all negatives, though. I love being with my mum and getting this time with her. Time is at a premium when your parent is aging and I know all too well that this is the case. Having my “chicks” all in one place is lovely.
The struggle, then, is a lack of privacy. And a house that hasn’t aged well. And no on-site washer and dryer. I can truly live without the dishwasher, as that’s not something I need to function. But a washer and dryer? Ooof. We are struggling and that is a chief area that is a problem. Added to that is upset kitties and too many of them, even though they are split into two households (upstairs and down).
We knew going into this there would be challenges. What we weren’t prepared for was how many challenges there would be and how much that would cause us stress. Youngest and I struggle with our psychological needs due to the autism and ADHD. Chaos is not our friend and we don’t have ways to limit the chaos. There just isn’t enough space and so the chaos is a constant.
The best we can do is hold on and save up enough to try to get into our old apartment complex, as we know it’s a safe space for us. I’m just not sure how we’ll hold on until we can make that move. And it almost feels like a step backwards. I’m less concerned about that aspect at this point, though. I had hoped we’d find a way to settle in and make this work, but frankly there’s no way to settle in. We don’t have the space for it.
It means that I’m doing strict duty on keeping our sanity and that means taking the time to have one on one escapes with Youngest so she can deal with her feelings. Mine are easier, mostly because I can shrug it off. Yes, I have work and my kitty is being super needy, but I can roll with it. Youngest has less ability to fend off the stressors. She is dealing with “toddler” kitties, an awkward layout for the basement apartment, and the limited space.
So… I have to be focused and save up money once we get through the last of the costs for our move here. My preference would have been to hold on here and make the most of our time with my mum, but I can see that it’s not viable for a longer period. Spicy Ginger still can’t get financing to build his house so Youngest and I need to plan for our next phase without worrying about what may or may not happen there. I’m just grateful that our old complex is an option and it’s not completely out of reach. How sad that I’m making the best money of my life and even that means our housing options are limited.
Speaking of which – I still love my company and enjoy my job. The department I work for is fantastic and I love the team I’m on. I could not – absolutely, without reservation – be happier anywhere else. I’m truly grateful that I’ve got such a great job with a company that I feel proud to work for.
My only concern at this point is that my income will be too limited to deal with the housing market. It won’t change my staying with my company, rather it will keep me thinking about what it takes to keep tight rein on my finances. I’m fairly certain now that there will not be a small farm in Washington for me. I’m also fairly certain that I won’t ever be able to own a small property as a hedge against the uncertainties of life in a rental. It’s not that I’m being overly pessimistic, it’s just that I’m watching the patterns around me – especially as I have student loans – and I don’t see good answers coming down the road.
Surprises abound in life, of course, so I could have one (or several) happen, but based on what I’m seeing and know right now, we’re somewhat screwed. All I can do is my best. The rest will be up to luck and timing.
The really big downside that I’m experiencing is the distance from Spicy Ginger. One could say that it’s just across town, which is how I viewed it when we were in the planning and execution of this move. Reality is more complicated than that, however. It’s the way the threads of our lives are intertwined due to living next door to each other for 3 1/2 years. I can’t look out the window and see him anymore. My drive across town to see him tonight took 35 minutes in 5 pm traffic. I had to leave at 9:30 because I was tired and knew that I had to be ok to drive. On Sunday I left to come home and had to fight off tears because I simply did not want to leave my spot on his couch, curled up next to him.
I did take our proximity for granted and thought that it would be no difficulty to trundle back and forth. I was wrong.
I knew, too, that my mum’s house was in rough shape but I didn’t know how rough until I was back living here.
Still, I do love the routine we are building together. I don’t know how long I get to have her, so I’m grateful for this time. I was worried we’d get bitchy with each other. Instead, we’re laughing a lot and the humor is carrying us through some of the intense close quarters. I’m not the woman I was 10 years ago when she stayed with us after her foot surgery and I’m really not the woman I was when I was in my 20’s and living with her.
Age has mellowed me and it has taken most of her hearing. Noise-canceling headphones help me work in the great space she carved out for me in her breakfast nook and sitting in the evenings together, watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, has led to us enjoying companionship. I see now, firsthand, how great she and BFF to Oldest get along. They’re an Odd Couple but they just work.
If I could ask my fairy godmother for anything right now it would be for funds to repair and remodel Mum’s house and to build Spicy Ginger’s house. I know those are not going to happen, so I’ll just do what I can to keep Youngest and I hanging on until we can do what is needed to keep us from losing it long-term. I’ll still dream of my small farm with green growing things and animals. Maybe my overwhelmed fairy godmother will find a way to help me get there eventually.
Time to shut this down. I’m tired and I’d like to have kitty cuddles before I nod off.
Moonfire
Ramblings of a Wild for Words Woman 