Oh my love, I so understand your feelings! And Porthos (Life Partner) did a great job answering it. Funny that the quote he shared is the one I most love, too.
We love you and you are not taking too much from anyone. I’ve had so many years where I could be selfish and maybe sometimes I didn’t really appreciate what I had, but I assure you I do appreciate the joy and love I have in my life now. You, Porthos, and Elf are so dear to me, I cannot imagine life without any of you. Each of you brings a different kind of love and joy and peace into my world.
Really the only thing I want, and must be patient for receiving, is when we can all be together in a space that is large enough for all of us to give us each our introverted peace. I am sad when we’re not together, but I don’t wallow in it. There is a lot of coordinating we’re all doing right now and it’s hard. It’s also worth every bit of effort. I don’t say that lightly. I never really expected the gifts of having you and Elf in our world. I was stuck in a place of worry over our oldest.
I do understand that worry about honesty, too. Some small damages from long ago linger in me and I wonder once in a while if we have the strength and character to be as open and honest as we all need to be. Then I talk to you or Elf or Porthos and it’s all good. I also face down my own fears about becoming older and feeling like I’m becoming more and more invisible as I age. I still have those moments where I wonder what on earth you and Elf could see in short, dumpy me.
I’m learning to shake it off because isn’t that just a bit insulting to both of you? Everything I know about both of you tells me that you are kind, gentle, forthright, and incredibly caring. You aren’t shallow people. You are amazing people.
Other times I feel a teensy bit guilty… like I’m just so freaking greedy. I want it all with all of us. I shake that off, too. This will be hard work, caring for all of us as we need and deserve. And yes, it has been a very short period of time in which to come to these understandings and feelings. I guess I’m decisive that way.
All I can do is reassure you that you have us and we are committed to being with you and Elf. The rest will take time, effort, and lots and lots of talking. You and I excel at talking, so I expect we’ll do fine!
With much love,