A little better…

We made some progress and then slipped a little, but things are still better than they were.  The pressure is on with the class I’m in.  Naturally, this happens in the final capstone class.  A part of me thinks that it’s Murphy’s Law… I’m frustrated, but I haven’t completely given up hope.  Perhaps I’m just too tired to communicate effectively?  Not so sure, really.

Mostly, I find myself counting down until this ends and I can put some work into my family and my health.

So I look at this and wonder:  Was it all worth it?  Most days, yes, it was.  Once in a while I think I was insane to take on graduate school when I’ve got young kids and a husband who sometimes acts like a young kid.  Then I look at this great job I got and the start to a career that I know will be fun and rewarding.  Hard to have regrets in the face of it.

Do I regret the cost to my family?  Yes.  Absolutely.  At the same time, the long term benefit to them is a mom who doesn’t come home each night completely thrashed by 9 hours of hell.

As I stood talking to one of the assistant directors in Sponsored Programs tonight, it hit me:  I’ve found my place.  I’d already realized that I found my place in my department, but this went deeper.  I like systems.  I like financial management.  I like refining processes.  I like working with intelligent, driven people.  I like feeling that my contribution is valued.

I’m more than a little bit scared of being over-estimated, but after years of being under-utilized, maybe that’s just the carrot I need.

Several years ago, my Nana asked me if I was afraid to succeed.  I can finally answer that question:  No.  I’m not afraid.  Not anymore.

My family has paid a price for my pursuit of my education and my seeking in my employment.  I hope that after the next 4.5 weeks are done, they will reap happy rewards for it.

I’m going to bed now because this stupid time change has kicked my ass up one side and down the other.  If I survive the next month, I make these promises to myself….  I will buy those cute shoes.  I will take care of my body.  I will love my family and enjoy every blessed moment I have with them.



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