I’ve been bouncing off the walls. I’ve got the interview. AND I found out that I got A’s in both of the classes I just finished up – now I hope I can do as well in this next pair. Or rather, in an effort to seek to avoid perfectionism, I hope I can finish them with B’s or better. (Does that work for “avoiding perfectionism”?)
Now I’m torn between the polar ends of optimism and pessimism where the interview is concerned. At first I felt really confident. Then I began to ponder all the ways in which I am not an absolutely perfect candidate (see above). I told my honey tonight that the thing I can lean on to overcome that “lack of perfection” is my ability to learn new things incredibly fast. So yes, I’m not a the perfect, zero-needs candidate, but boy – could I pick up the information I need quickly. PLUS I know where to look for that information on campus.
Friday, 10am, I’ll be interviewing for the position. 1 hour. Three people.
I’m incredibly fortunate that a great friend at work is going to help me practice my answers. Then Thursday evening I will have the chance to meet with my psychologist and work out anti-stress techniques to make it through the morning and the interview.
I’m likely going to head off for some shopping Thursday evening so I can ensure that I have fresh stockings (plus an extra pair because nervous fingers like to punch right through hose) and perhaps a power outfit to make me look like the “sharp tack” I know that I can be.
Or should I use some other image? Maybe. See? I can’t stop picking at things.
Actually, it’s not as bad as I’m portraying. I’m psyched up and happy, yet conservative about how I’m preparing for it. I’ve done research on the group (which is where I worked 1 1/2 years ago, so this is not a huge stretch). I’ve looked into the other two people I will be interviewing with, besides my old boss. Not much info on the one but good information on the other.
I’ve pulled up the grants management information and resources that are available on the university website. I’ve looked over my cover letter, my resume and the job requirements… Still don’t think I’m perfect, but I do think I’ve got a better than decent shot. I want to live up to my old boss’s good impression of me and I want to exceed it. I want the other two people who interview me to see the same potential and to NOT need to be persuaded by DS (if he would even do that – he is very ethical).
At each stage of this, I have been hit with huge doubts: Was it going to be posted? Would I get an interview? Was I imagining how great the conversation was?
Somewhere along the line I developed this lack of self-confidence. I put myself into a box and kept myself there a long time. Even now, with all of the work I’ve put in during my time in the financial aid office, I doubt my abilities there and I feel like I’m not doing well enough.
So in answer to all of that self-doubt, here I go…
I’ve finished 2 1/2 years of working at least, if not more than, full time while working on my graduate degree. I’ve got a decent GPA with a couple oopses due to life. I made it through class while suffering an August in the financial aid office – TWO years in a row (A’s both times). I’ve got two great kids who are sweet and normal and know they are loved. I’ve got a huggy dog who is a tad co-dependent, but he still gets loves and pets from me. I’ve got a husband that I support through a degree program that makes him only slightly crazy. I’ve got a great trio of kids that are my friends and who give wonderful friendship to our kids. I’ve made it from front line staff to professional level and even though I wanted to give up a 1000 times in the last 17 months, I’m still plugging away at it.
I could count all the things that are wrong, from my overweight, out of shape body, to my ridiculously messy house, but the things that matter most to me and my family are good. I have love. I’ve done a lot. I am NOT lazy. And I’m not crazy or moody… I’m just tired and stressed out.
Still, I’ve managed and I’ve accomplished some great things. Today has been a great day and no matter the outcome of the interview Friday, things are good.
Now, please, please, please, let me do a good job! That door has been opened and that hope is present. I would like to see what it feels like when I walk through.