I’ve waited a long time for this. Today I was heard and the feeling was amazing. The psychologist I found lived up to my hopes and this was only our first day. We only made it through about half of the background information… mostly basics about my life with my family, my dates on the bipolar diagnosis and the fact that I was identified as gifted as a child (and the fact that the school really didn’t know what to do with me). She wanted to know what triggered my seeking help – which meant explaining about my job, supporting my family, and graduate school.
I also mentioned the lithium and how I’m having adventures with it, but I’m mostly fine with it. (I was up and down only THREE times last night because I cut down on my liquids a bit).
Besides the fact that she is an amazing person and her humor is just what I needed, what I gained hope from was her acknowledging that it is common for the gifted to be overly identified as bipolar, particular if there are traumas that could cause behavioral issues to crop up. She indicated that it may not mean a change in the medical treatment, but it can mean that we can address the behavioral component and make a difference in responses.
It’s all speculative at this point. I suppose the reason I bring this up is because I trust her. I believe that I can work with her and that I will see a benefit from it. I also think my family will benefit from it.
I’m massively over-tired and I’ve been having a few tracking issues this last couple of days, so I’m finding that what I’m writing here is inadequate to express how relieved I am. If all goes well, I’ll process those old, old events and finally put them to bed where they belong. I’ll face those ridiculous behaviors I’ve gathered. I’ll tackle my feeling that I’ve managed to avoid using my full potential all these years – no matter the outcome.
And I’ll learn how to cope with the lithium.
If the point comes where she says that the original diagnosis is right, I’ll accept the confirmation for what it is.
On a humorous lithium note: Normally I have extreme anxiety about speaking in front of groups. Every damn time I have come up on the counselor rotation as leading our team meeting I’ve had total anxiety, with fast pulse and speed talking. So today it was my turn again and I gathered together the input from the other counselors, expecting that the normal feelings would start up. I headed over to the meeting room, sat down and ate my lunch, then people started filtering in. I started in and awareness kind of crept up on me… No speed talking. I actually did NOT care that I was giving the meeting.
Now if my damn bladder would give me a break, I’d be very happy.
That’s it for me. Tired. Very tired. Happy about the new doc. I’ll take whatever happens.