small stuff…

I’ve written several blogs and deleted them or abandoned them in the ether of my storage on here.  Some days I really want to write, but can’t find the words that feel true.  Other days I just don’t have it in me to put another word down.  Then I thought perhaps I’d just start small, let out a little and see how it goes.  Now I’m not so sure.  Too many thoughts pinging in my head perhaps?  Or too many worries niggling away at what little motivation I have.

One of the other financial aid counselors is leaving and what is high pressure and stressful already will get much, much worse.  I still keep seeing Marcus everywhere.  Like some ghost memory and yet, when I look at his picture, I still don’t feel like it’s real.  I am suffering in my statistics class, barely able to keep my brain together long enough to push through the formulas and kind of get it right.  So when I scored 100% on the quiz last night, I didn’t know what to think about it.  The house is a mess and our little guy is sick.

The tension in my teeth is a permanent companion now.  I’d say friend, but the headache that goes hand in hand with the pressure in my jaw seems to undercut it.

Maybe none of this really makes sense and I know it’s random and scattered.  That’s how I feel these days.  I haven’t slept well in a week.  Of course, I don’t sleep well at the best of times, so perhaps it would be more factual to say that I haven’t slept enough in a week.

So that’s as much as I can muster.  I brought work home this evening and dabbled through a portion of it.  Now I’m deciding it’s time to give up, get some sleep and perhaps make it through another day tomorrow.

How quickly can November leave?


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