descent into non-productive

I’d really like to turn off these hormones, given that they are driving me insane.  I sat at my desk today, thinking long and hard about whether or not a doctor could find the location of the offending part of my brain and give it the boot.  Then, of course, I had to stop and think about how incredibly terrifying it would be to have someone intending to transform your brain, whether you’ve volunteered or not.  The world tipped a bit.  I got queasy.  I decided it wasn’t a great idea.

If all goes well – and that is a big IF – within a day or so I should begin feeling better because the damn luteal phase will begin to switch over to the beginning of the next cycle.  I’ve been told my best option is medication but the stuff doesn’t help in a truly effective manner and instead I’m left with this one bit of time each month where I feel like I’m losing my brain.  Is menopause going to be hellish too?  Am I left with the dictates of these hormones until it all dies out?

I was not as productive today as I’d hoped and planned. I read a quote somewhere and it still seems appropriate:  “God laughs when you make a plan.”  Who said it?  Did I quote it correctly?  Dunno.  Not going to look it up.  Just going to take the sleeping pill and knock myself out.

And I’m hoping that tomorrow brings some peace from the tension, the anxiety, the urge to cry at everything.  Please.

moonfire dropping off to sleep now…


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