Fear is the mind-killer

Here is a funny thing.  I am ridiculously nervous (some might say scared) about five minutes.  I am willing to take a herd of young children out to the movies every other week.  I will battle the school system to get what is needed for my children.

But speak for five minutes about the FAFSA, a topic I know all too well, and I’m shaking in my boots?

silly woman.

Maybe I should correct myself on this one.  I’m nervous about the interview period.  The only thing that is keeping me from melting down is this hacking, horrible cough and the overwhelming fatigue that has me sitting on my ass in bed on a Thursday afternoon.  Yes.  For the record, I overdid it yesterday.

I did sit up for a bit and FINALLY do my application for Kansas State University’s Academic Advising degree.  I have been fence-sitting and whining and moping and feeling fear that I’d be rejected for over a month.

silly woman.

If I don’t get accepted?  I’ve got a backup plan.

If I don’t get the job?  Fine.  I’ll apply next time and the next time and the next time until they get tired of me.  And I’ll network.

Stupid flu.  Stupid fear.

This is me, crawling out from under all the load of crap I’ve been heaping on myself for a long few years.  I’ve got the most amazing friends and support you’ve ever seen.  Time to live up to that and stop quivering in my boots.

No more silly woman here.

Now, at the risk of undercutting all that I’ve just written, I’m going to take that nap that my body is crying out for.



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