I have about 20 minutes before the next stage of our busy Saturday continues on. Todd is doing “Code Camp” and we’re running about being social. Today is another movie day with the herd of children. Luckily mum is coming along, so I won’t have to worry about the kids in the theater when I’m working the “potty” runs.
My spirit has taken a beating this weekend, for many reasons, many of which are strictly internally generated. At breakfast this morning, I told my friend that I wish that I could just be satisfied with what I’m doing day to day and not looking ahead. I said that I wish there was a pill that would make me simply content to be where I am, with no seeking beyond that.
But I think about that and I have to be honest, it would be sickening to have your motivation and drive stripped away. This doesn’t lessen the fact that I need to find some internal peace, but at least I have enough cognitive function to realize that the answer needs to be found within, not in some ridiculous pill or notion that I should be other than who I am.
Right now my world feels like that carnival gopher game – you try and try to hit those damn gophers, succeeding in whacking one or two (or maybe more), but ultimately you either don’t get enough points for a prize or you only get enough for a really lame prize.
Time to switch games or maybe stop with the damn games, that all feel rigged, anyway.
Not sure what it all means, but there it is.
Gotta go – early arriver. Will write more later.