ahhh, sweet relief

I had more blog ideas than time today.  In the end it was finishing up my final that won out.  What a relief.  Unfortunately, while I was trying to save during my final I was getting network timeouts.  ARGH.  So the system told me it took 101 minutes to do the final – um. yeah. – approximately 30 minutes of that was me hitting refresh to get the damn screen to reload.

But it’s done.

***

I ended up talking to an old friend today.  It was a nice feeling.  Who we were way back when we were friends differs greatly from who we are now, so it was a bittersweet thing, but I’m glad I got to hear how she’s doing.  And along that note, I had brunch with a great friend on Sunday.  (yes, Helen, you were right  – that bacon is definitely angel-butt material)  It was fun and mellow and relaxing.  It was just what I needed.  We don’t see much of each other, due to schedules and geographical location, but it sure is fantastic when we meet up.  If food is involved, all the better!!

I’m fairly isolated these days.  I have friends that I nudge on Facebook and I share emails with people periodically, but for the most part I tend to just do my own thing.  I’ve wondered lately if that’s a good or a bad thing?  I don’t know.  Maybe I’ll withhold judgment on that for a little while longer.

Mostly, though, it’s a fact of life with working full-time, taking graduate classes, and having young children.  Where I am now is as different as where I was in my 20’s or 30’s as the diffference that will exist when the next two busy years are done.  These are good differences.  Living a quiet life right now suits me.  I don’t want frantic activity.  And I’ve been told I need to learn how to let go of control, but honestly?  When I live in a place of letting go of control, I seem to generate unhappiness around me.  When I live in a state of selfishness, it generates bad things.

So, while it may seem like I “shouldn’t” stay focused on control, I think I will.  My intuitive sense tells me it’s for the best.

I’ve got no sense of nostalgia tonight.  I thought perhaps I would after talking to this friend.  But really, those days are so distant that I remember them like they were a story and we were all fictional characters.  I feel peaceful joy that she’s found succes, happiness, and well-being in her life, but I don’t have any longing for the people we were back then.  I wonder if that isn’t part of growing older?  You find your place and you’re glad when others find theirs?

I got sweet little boy kisses this evening, before they headed off to Scouts.  I like watching Todd and the boys together.  He’s so tall and they still seem fairly small next to him… but they have that familiar look of him about them.  A friend once told me that it made her smile when she saw the four of us walking down the street together, holding hands and looking like a nice little family.  It’s one of the most wonderful things anyone has ever said to me – besides “I lus you mum.”

And finally, this Friday evening Todd and I are heading out to a hockey game together.  I don’t like crowds or noise, so this one may be a challenge for me.  But I’m glad we get a “date” – even if it’s for his work Christmas celebration.  No little black dress – instead I’ll be wearing jeans and a warm sweater.  The latter is actually more “me” than the former anyway.

Cheers on this rainy, icy-cold late fall evening.  Winter weather is here, even if the calendar hasn’t quite caught up.
moonfire

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