Down to one final and I’m done with my class. I’ll get a 3 week break until my next class, something I really need right now.
It hit me today… Right now, even with all the stress and the ridiculous life of us as grown-ups being students while raising young children… right now, this is the best it will ever be and it’s really good. Some day my boys will be grown and off on their own, with (if we’re lucky) Sunday night dinners once or twice a month if they live in the area or maybe a call once in a while if they don’t live here.
I try not to think about something that is so distant, but it does hit me that I need to just let myself love this time, warts and all. Childhood is fleeting enough for the kids, but all the worse for those of us witnessing it. They were tiny newborns just a blink ago and now we can barely keep up with their growth spurts. Aidan talks more every day and Brennan’s feet are catching up to mine quicker than I expected.
I was talking to a mom today – one of the parents of a classmate of Bren’s – she has an almost 7-year old and a 24-year old stepson who is off on his own. She raised him from the time he was 3, so she knows this feeling all too well. They do grow up and then they are off, living life fully. Visits are short and few between.
I’m glad I see my mum as much as I do. I’m glad we have our time together, that we talk on the phone and she is a big part of our lives. I’m glad we see Todd’s folks frequently. I’m glad they’re all a big part of our boys lives, because I know – deep to the core of me – I know how important that is.
When you get to that last flickering moment of your life there is much that won’t matter… work, things you did or did not do, things you did or did not own, bits and pieces that have left your memory. What will matter most is the relationships that you had – the people that you loved and loved you back.
I had book time with the boys tonight and then we had our cuddles. I’m going to grab on to those moments and enjoy them every chance I get, because that’s when it’s best. And I’m going to remind myself that it all goes by really quickly.