another goodbye

Todd’s gramma passed away this morning.  I’ve been remembering some of the funny, frustrating things she used to say to me – before the dementia made it hard for her to express much that was recognizable of her old self.  She was bossy, direct, and she drove my father-in-law to red-faced anger faster than anyone I’ve ever seen.  And she loved her kids, as well as her grandkids, in a fierce way.  She was not subtle.  She had beautiful short white hair and she wore bright colors.  She was probably hell on wheels in her younger years, but I only knew her for the last 12 years of her life and yeah, she could be hell on wheels then too.

I liked her, even though sometimes she could send me into a tizzy because she wouldn’t let up on me about drinking milk.

She got to hold her two great-grandkids, even though I know she wasn’t entirely sure who they were.  But little cherubic faces are sweet, no matter what, and I hope she knew… just a bit, that they were part of her too, even if it was just our funky family tree and not dna that connected them to her.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, about how we’re the sum of the generations of our families.  We can get absorbed by our day to day living and forget what that means.  When I pass out of this lifetime, my family will be the one part of it that I most treasure, so I think I’ll take what we’re feeling right now and keep my mind centered on what is important.  The rest isn’t worth fretting about.

And finally… A really lovely woman that I used to work with had very sad news a couple days ago.  Her youngest daughter died very suddenly, due to a blood clot in her heart.  It is even sadder that her daughter was on layover, returning to our town from New York.  My heart aches for this woman’s loss.  If I could have one, and only one, wish?  Please, please, please let me pass before my children.

It has been a long day – a long week – a long year.  I’m going in to work tomorrow and I just hope I make it through the time with a quiet heart.  Peace to all.  Hug your loved ones.

moonfire

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