Ow. My brain hurts.

Todd and I were buried under our homework today.  He was working on Java and I was struggling with pseudocode.  Nice, eh?

I do great with the flowcharts.  I can see how it’s going to process and it’s all good.  For some reason, when I start putting it into pseudocode, my brain starts to fizzle.  Then I end up waffling… do I add a process here?  Would it make it more efficient?  ARGH.

I got the homework done but I’m willing to bet it’s going to get ripped to pieces.  Normally, based on what I’ve seen in the text, you would set lines-counter to equal max-lines in your initialize routine…  the logic didn’t work in mine.  I walked through the steps and it just didn’t work out.  My headings routine was nice – streamlined and (hopefully) succinct.  My write-detail process seemed to get the job done, but I wonder how it would translate in real code.

So I got it submitted and decided that’s it for tonight.  This next week’s chapter is going to have to wait.  I need a break.  Todd’s going to the store, then we’re going to watch an episode of Battlestar Galactica (new one, not old) and relax.  I have tension in my teeth from gritting them while I was trying to work out the organization of my process and I’m tired of thinking about how to break down a problem.  Laundry is really so much simpler to deal with.

I told Todd last night that I seem to prefer hardware to software, but I’m not willing to back down from this challenge.  Plus, I didn’t win in the lottery last night so I should probably keep chugging away at school, right?

The house is still mostly a disaster.  I won’t say I’ve completely given up on it, but let’s face it, I’m wiped out from just trying to dog-paddle through everything that’s coming our way…  I really can’t worry about whether or not the dust bunnies have been evicted or the towels are folded “just so.”  Chlorox wipes are a god-send, as is the swiffer mop.  If I could just get the toilets to clean themselves and the laundry to put itself away, life would be better.

By the time I get to bed tonight, I imagine that I’ll be beyond tired and well into that realm of goofy-surreal.  I asked Todd (with the caveat that it was strictly hypothetical, ’cause the odds are it’ll never happen) if he’d mind if, once he gets his degree and a good job, would he mind if I just stayed home and kept everything going – all the appointments, projects, house-work, etc.  He said yes.  Then I told him, oh well…  it’s likely we’ll both end up working until we’re old and dead anyway.  But it’s a nice thought.

So anyway.  Not much writing happening these days.  Too much to deal with.  And frankly, I don’t want to mention anything about my work.  Friday was “NOT GOOD” and it was one of those “NOT GOOD” moments where (thank god I have self-control) I came close to turning off my computer and walking out the door.  I’ve cooled off and I’ve mellowed out about it, but I’m watching the situation closely.  Todd told me to just hang in there because a year there will help me for the future.  I’m taking it a month at a time…  I’ll try to make it to October 1st…. then November 1st… and so on.

We watched Office Space (for the zillionth time) today and maybe I’m Peter…  Maybe I’ll never have the ability to work for other folks because I’ll always be critical of the situation.  Hell.  I don’t know.  At least at home, doing housework, there’s an element of control.  I have my patterns and routines when I’m working on things and I HATE it when my patterns are disturbed.  Crap… I’m a wreck, aren’t I???  Nightmare central.

Yeah… mabye so.  Still, I can be highly efficient when I’m in my zone.  So there.

I’m going to go scope out the chocolate chip cake on the counter.  I’m not saying I’ll eat any, but I might sniff it… really closely.

Cheers.  Seriously.


One thought on “Ow. My brain hurts.

  1. Maybe you need a baby to kiss? My dad was grading papers and got so frustrated with the lackluster answers that he called in a huff: I’m coming over, must be cheered up by grandkids!

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