Mental slide

Brennan very graciously provided me with a cold.  It descended slowly, insidiously, over the last two days and now I’m cranky because I haven’t even come out of what I would call a full recovery period from the “big bug”.

I’m pissed off about it because, to be blunt, I’ve paid my sick dues and this is ridiculous.

I tried the garlic cure tonight.  Tzatziki.  Yogurt and garlic.  What bug can live up against that combination?

If I’m lucky I’ll lose my voice tomorrow…  Why?  Because, in a fit of graceful timing, things have gone to hell at work.  It is circumstantial, but it means that my descent into cold-hell is happening at the worst possible moment and I’m a pile of misery.  It’s nothing that will keep me home, because that would be stupid.  But it’s enough that simple English seems to be beyond me when I’m talking to customers, leaving me appearing to be an idiot.

Oh, nice… Todd’s home with the hot cold medicine.  This is desperation time….  and that stuff will do the trick – soothing and it makes me sleep.

The kids are listening to the Cocteau Twins as they drift off.  Brennan specifically requested it for tonight.  Aidan didn’t care what it was, just so long as it was on.  He’s got a car and one single block.  I told him he could only have one…


I wish I could hold on to positive feelings for longer than a few days.  I don’t know if it’s just that I have a complete inability to find satisfaction in something or if it’s too much optimism when I head off to some new adventure.  I remember the conversations with my boss back when I interviewed with him.  Unless I have completely blown it, which is not the feedback I’ve been getting so far, then something should be developing.

On top of the negative physical state, I got my new insurance information today.  It’s so bad I’m almost beyond stunned.

I know it’s not my company’s fault.  They don’t have enough employees to be able to negotiate better terms.  And they pay a fortune out to give us this much.

So I’ll watch 20% of my gross leave each month for insurance that I pretty much can’t afford to use except for a doctor’s visit once in a while.

That makes sense.

That’s enough bitching and whining for one night.  I wish I had enlightening and stimulating things to write, but this was all I could muster up.  Tomorrow is the deadline for the job with my university.  It pays more than I’m making now, with better benefits.  And I couldn’t bring myself to apply for it.

Hell or high-water, I made my choice and I know that my future is better for sticking it out with the little company.  I just wish it didn’t feel like I was a hamster in a rusty old wheel.




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