Changing shifts, a good thing…

Starting on next Monday I will be working the 6am-2:30pm shift.  Bren’s school starts a week from that Monday and he’ll be getting out at 3:15pm each day, so even if I have a call go over, I’ll be able to get there to pick him up.  By doing this, and by having Todd take him to school each morning, we’ll save $289 per month in childcare costs.

I’m more of an early morning person anyway, so this was the right choice to make.

I won’t get my cuddle time with Aidan in the mornings though.

But I’m not heading down that thought path.  It’s not going to help matters.

I’m looking forward to having the time with Bren in the afternoons.  We’ll be picking Aidan up early on those days when Gramma Donna is out of town, and we’ll probably pick Aidan up on Friday afternoons anyway, so we can have some extra time together.

***

Bren and I had a sad little conversation yesterday…  We were at the doctor’s office – the nasty headache I had last week was viral meningitis and it transmitted to the boys, giving them the most horrific looking rash.  Sigh… nice job mom.  Anyway, I was sitting with Bren in the doctor’s office, drinking hot chocolate (I was drinking it, he was slurping it)…  I popped out with the “I wish I could be home with you each day” and he said, “I wish you were too.”  It was a passing thought, developed while sitting there, knowing I had to drive him out to his gramma’s house and then turn back to work.

Anyway, I guess I’m not alone in what I wish for.  I’ll do like we used to tell Bren, when he’d fallen down, and just “shake it off.”

***

School is fine.  I’ll survive this class.  Right now, that’s all I’m asking for.  I get through this weekend and next weekend I can take my final, then have about a week’s break before the next session starts up.  I need the break.  I’m excited about my next class, Essentials of Information Systems and Programming…  I really love the book.  Such a relief after this last text.  Ugh.  Doesn’t bear thinking about, really.

***

I hesitate to write this next little bit, but thought I’d put it out there anyway.  I’ve had this happen before, so if it’s happening now, well…. that is how life goes sometimes.  I suspect, but can’t confirm, that the things my then-future boss and I talked about during the interviewing process are not going to come to pass.  I don’t know if it’s me and I’m not living up to his expectations, or if perhaps it’s simply that plans are changing/morphing.  It’s simply an intuitive sense I have right now.  Again, nothing concrete and nothing has been said.

I ask myself if I regret the decision to do this and the answer is still a firm no.  Will I stay long-term in tech support?  Probably not past the point at which Mark returns.  I enjoy it and I love my customers (mostly), but the pressure we are under on a constant basis is hard for me.  Not the working hard, but being pinned between the needs/wants/expectations of the customers and the needs/wants/expectations of the company.  Perhaps I simply haven’t developed enough of a “shell” to protect myself.

I think the worst of this feeling I’m developing is the fact that I received a starting wage appropriate to the level of development I had and have gone through.  I’m worlds ahead of where I was, although I have worlds to go still…

Am I wrong to be wanting to move out of probation with an appropriate salary increase?

Title be damned, really.  If plans have changed, I can live with that.  I already have more than enough pressure placed on me.

***

I suppose I just need to turn my brain to other, more productive things.  I’ve been imagining a black wooden box, strapped in wrought-iron.  I’ve stuffed a lot of things inside that box, closed it up, and locked it down tight.  I don’t have any urge to open it right now.  If someone tries to talk to me about some of the issues that I’ve tucked in there, I’m just going to change the subject and move on.  So far things only go into the box.  Nothing is coming out of it.

Down the road?  Well, then I may take a look and see what I think.

For now, it’s has a purpose.

***

Fall is going to be here in a few short weeks.  Once this oppressive heat gives up the ghost for good, I’ll see if I can’t recover some energy.  You never know….

cheers… moonfire

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