A two steps forward kind of day…

Monday was awful.  It was one of those days when I felt awful and couldn’t get anywhere with anything I did at work.  I don’t know that I can describe it beyond that….  I hate feeling ineffective and like I’ve been placed in a situation where I feel like I’m failing.  Monday was one of those days.

Then Tuesday and today were different – tough, but better.

I know I have high expectations of myself and the midterm this weekend didn’t exactly help, but beyond that I really want to do well.  As I’ve expressed before, a lot is riding on this for me AND my family.  Not that it places much pressure on me, or anything like that…

I’m still feeling a bit at sea about school.  I’m questioning how focused I am.  And these are short classes, so losing focus is a big mistake.

I got a tension headache at work today.  I mentioned in passing that I was getting a headache and it was heading down my shoulder and my boss said it was tension.  Until the point he said it, I didn’t even realize that I was dealing with tension.  We’re slammed… our researcher is out of the office, doing on-site training for the week.  And we’re down one staffer – or rather, we’ve got her replacement, but this is his first week and he’s at least a week or two (AT LEAST) from taking calls on his own.  Honestly, I’d prefer he get his full allotment of time to learn and get comfortable.  He shouldn’t be pressured to dive in until he feels ready.  That wouldn’t be fair for him.

So it’s me, the senior rep, and our boss.. we’re picking up the slack.  Three of us trying to do it.  Any wonder why I’m stressed?

I know that we can only do what we can do.  We can’t do more than we’re accomplishing, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the pressure.

Now I’m home and I’d like to take a nice bath, with bubbles, write a bit, and then go to bed early.  I’m tired…  I got to work at 6:40 am and left at 5pm.  I chose to do it and there were business reasons for it.  I stand by the decision.  But I do hope I get a raise when I hit the end of my probation – that’s in less than 2 weeks.  I work hard.  I think I deserve it.

On the family front, Aidan is in full on “Two Year Old” mode.  It’s tough.  Seriously tough.  There are times when I’d like duct-tape him to the wall to give all of us, including the dog, a break from it.

Other times?  I just want to kiss him all over his little face.

Bren’s hanging in there, but sometimes I wander if he isn’t going to lose his mind…

Ok….  I’m toast.  The temperatures are going to start dropping tomorrow, Friday and Saturday.  It will be a massive blessing.  If I can hang in there, things should be good.  Time for that bubble bath.  And dreams about cool breezes, Fall weather, deep sleep, a new day…



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