Well. What can I say? It’s Thursday. I’m going for a LONG overdue massage today. I needed it last week… I needed it the week before… But time and money were against me.
Sadly, unless I can get an appointment outside of “business” hours, this will be my last one for a long time. bah.
Tomorrow I’ll toodle in for what will be my last counseling session. I won’t be able to go in during business hours any more plus I think this is the point where I hoped to get with the process of seeing her… Moving on to something that will pull me out of my comfort zone AND give me a start on a bright future.
Yes… I’m still stunned.
On another note: studying is going well (I say as I avoid it to write this cheery little blog). I have made the firm commitment that I will do my classes one at a time after this. That will still get me through my degree in a reasonable amount of time and it will ensure that I take the full time to understand the materials. I feel that this session is not allowing for that.
I will say this, though… I’m glad I gave it a shot. I would never have been able to comprehend how difficult it would be if I hadn’t done it. Yes, the stress and the fatigue are building, but I can handle it. It’s only for another five weeks, then I’ll do my two finals (ouch) and be done.
So long as I manage to get B minimums, I’ll be good. Naturally I’d like an A in each class, but I may have to accept something less… boo.
Todd is a stress case now that finals are just next week. He got fantastic news from the financial aid office yesterday, so some of the pressure has been reduced. I’m glad for his sake. It takes pressure off me too – and I’m really glad about that. Losing his financial aid for the fall would have been a major blow to us. I know he can do the self-studying this summer, so that he can test into the classes he needs… My honey is a pretty smart guy. Now that he’s not being tormented with the lack of sleep, it’s like he’s a whole new man!
Actually, I’m really looking forward to him being out of classes this summer. He’s going to help me with my nutrition and he’s planning to take the boys up to his family’s cabin for some “guy” time. If his dad can go too, it’d be great. Todd’s dad and I had a visit this morning, as I was dropping off Aidan. It’s funny to see what good buddies he and Aidan are…
With Bren it was all about gramma… I have a picture of Bren and his gramma, when Bren was just a bit older than Aidan is now. It’s a wonderfu, wonderful picture – full of love and connection. This is the best part about my children having this time with their grandparents – and I include my mum in that since Aidan loves his drive with her each morning. My kids are going to be raised with a strong sense of family – much like I was with my grandparents.
And this brings me to something… (Mum, you might not want to read further than this, unless you have tissues)…
I really miss my gramma Meade. Oh she would have had fun with the boys. She would have played pranks on Bren just like she did me and Aidan would have been right in the thick of it with her, just like Kari was.
Aidan would have loved to go wandering around with grampa Meade… singing songs and learning the words to limericks. Bren would have been fascinated with gramma’s pie baking and I’d bet he would have been a great helper in her kitchen.
Both boys would have liked to go sailing with grampa Shepherdson… and Aidan would have been nuts about the plane (maybe Bren too).
Aidan would probably charm my nana out of bad humors – she’s the only one left now… Bren would press her buttons, just like I did…
…But most of all, I miss sitting with my gramma. I miss doing her hair on Saturday afternoons… I miss bridge mix and the story about how she used her bingo marker as deodorant because the containers looked the same. I miss how she understood how rough it was being a teenager, when I was driving my mum nuts. I miss her smile and her lead foot.
I’m sad that she didn’t get to play with my boys – even if it was just to sit in her rocking recliner while Bren talked her ear off and Aidan rolled his cars around her feet.
I’d like to tell her about the adventures they get into… And so, sometimes, I talk to her while I’m getting ready in the morning. I tell her about how wonderful Todd is and what a great dad he is. I tell her about my new job and how I’m working hard in school, but sometimes it’s hard making everything balance. I tell her about Brennan’s adventures in school and how he’s such a good kid. I tell her about Aidan’s love for cars and how he sings to himself, in his crib, after we’ve put him down for the night.
I have a good life. Maybe once in a while I get so busy I forget. The pressures of work, school, and family take over and for brief periods, I get lost in the minutiae that are pushing at me. But I can stop, take a breath, write a bit and all of a sudden the awareness of all my blessings come rushing back. If there is such a thing, I am certain the guardian angels (it definitely takes more than one with those two) looking out over my children are their great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents…
Time to break up the quiet with work and more studying. I’m drying my eyes and looking at the half empty cup of coffee that is now cold.
Cheers on a Thursday morning,