Consistently underestimating myself…

Got the five-page paper finished this morning.  We have a family birthday celebration to go to today (and I’ll address that one in a bit), so I’ll leave it sit and then revisit it for editing when we get home.

I realized, in writing it, that I consistently underestimate my abilities.  What I’m not clear on here, is why that might be.  Is it simply that it’s easier to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised?  Those around me might suggest that I consistently expect great things, only to have them fall through.

But it’s more pervasive and sneaky than that.  I tend to simply forget what I’m capable of and I slip into a state that verges on apathy.  That’s disturbing because I don’t remember being like this when I was younger.  Did I somehow pick up this behaviour over the years?

I guess what worries me most is that it’s almost a form of laziness…  I get so caught up in just moving forward, day to day, that I lose sight of the fact that I have more to offer and that “more” requires a lot of effort.

Anyway, I worried myself to bits over the paper and in the end, it took me all of 1 1/2 hours to write it.  With editing, I’m looking at another 1/2 hour.  Yes, I spent time reading the case study and I mentally prepared my case, as well as made some scritchy notes (marginalia, for those who are picky about language).  All told, I probably will have put in 4 hours on it.  I’ve read my response and it’s solid writing, with supported arguments.  Now that I’ve written it, I realize I could probably produce another 2-3 pages, just expanding my arguments with general examples from my work life.  When I began it, I worried about producing more than 2-3 pages total.

I just thought I’d put that out there…

Now I need to close this posting and I need to write the IMPORTANT one.

studious moonfire


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