Final thoughts before bed…

Had a lovely dinner with my guys tonight.  I had to talk to Todd a bit, in between juggling the needs of the little one and keeping the big one focused.  My current job is great for a parent.  It offers relative flexibility and a lot of independence, even if it is career suicide staying there.  It makes no use of my advanced skills and it offers next to no career path for me.

It certainly does nothing for my degree or long term goals.

But, again, I have to emphasize that it’s a good position for a mom – like me.

So I did what I’ve never done before…  I basically laid it all out for Todd.  I told him that I’ve always made decisions about work based on the needs of our family.  I’ve done what I’ve had to do in order to take care of us, even when it was tough.

I asked him if he was ok with this, knowing the possible impact.

He told me he supports me.

And that, folks, is a fantastic husband.  I’ve already taken on so much and, truth be told, I wouldn’t have taken on two classes right now, not if I’d seen this coming.

Still… I can do a good job and there is always that strong possibility that nothing will come of it.  I won’t recount what was said today, but I’m having a hard time dismissing my chances.  I’ve had strong interviews before – times when I came out sure of myself.  Today I walked out more confident than I walked in.

I’ve also decided, should it not happen, that I won’t go back to the status quo.  This has been an eye-opening experience for me, working through my past experience and skills.  How could I let so many of the things I learned go to waste??  The gentleman I interviewed with today said that’s life and it happens, but I realized today that I MISS the things I used to know.  I like working with databases and information flow.  The fact that it marries so well to the accounting information I’m learning and my CFE classes?  Well, that’s like an unexpected bonus.

I’ve had people think I was strange over the years… I do logic puzzles for the fun of it.  If life weren’t so short, I’d probably find a way to go back and study math, physics, chemistry, computer science and then I’d toss in philosophy, art, and dance.

I loved economics.  Actually, I still do.

I loved chemistry and think that organic is a bear, but exciting when it all comes together and you’re in the lab… even though I’ve forgotten so much that it’s all a distant rosy memory now.

I think that there are strange and elegant patterns all around us.  You just have to open up your mind and let them flow in.

I think that there are times, when you’ve mastered a skill or knowledge, that all of it slows down and becomes intuitive…  it’s a physical process, rather than an mental one…

So.  To have Todd say it’s ok, that he understands and he supports me if this should go a certain way?  Well, that’s a beautiful thing.  I know I talk about our boys all the time and sometimes I don’t say much about my honey.  I’d just like to share that it’s not because I don’t think about him or love on him or think he’s wonderful… it’s just that sometimes it’s as easy as breathing, as easy as those incredible patterns I see all around me…  it just is.

Cheers to all.  It’s time for bed.  I’ll read and regroup for my classes tomorrow.  I have a case study to address and Bren and I will be going for a cup ‘o tea with a dear friend tomorrow night.

moonfire

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