I have so many things I’d love to post about today that I don’t even know where to begin and perhaps that’s a problem, because I don’t really feel like I can focus.
Yesterday I read something interesting on BabyCenter, about matching our words and our physiology when dealing with our children. Essentially, it’s a case of not just talking to our kids but also using body language that supports what we say. So last night I became very conscious of my actions and put away the laptop. It was hard – really hard – to stop my usual pattern of logging in to check email and my classes.
Instead, I sat and chatted with Bren about his day (all while he ran back and forth, up and down the length of our house). I talked to him about small stuff… nothing big, but I gave him my attention.
It was weird to be that self-aware… I also felt a bit ashamed that I get home from work and tune out like that.
BUT – Bren and Todd went off to a little meeting about cub scouts last night. I am SO excited for both of them. This is the start of the Dad/Son stuff… Bren and I are really close and he is very much a “Mom” kid, so there is a part of me that would like to be involved, but the fact is that Todd and Bren need this. I’ll stick with being the academics parent and Todd can take on this other role.
It felt like a serious milestone last night… My baby – oldest though he may be – is growing up.
So while they were at the meeting, I stayed home with Aidan and cuddled him. Well… I cuddled him when he would let me. Mostly he sat next to me while I did my reading for my class, tucked tightly against me, drinking juice from his cup. It was peaceful and sweet.
Someday Aidan will hit this same stage and he’ll head off with dad. It makes me a bit teary to think about it and I’m glad I have a lot of years, yet, to reconcile myself to it.
Then again… I think about this morning and how it was me, glasses off… face and eyes up close to the bottom of a six-year old foot, working on getting the tiniest sliver you’ve ever seen out of the tender skin on the arch of that foot… I triumphed, with no digging in deep to get it out. And (I should note), he was fresh out of the bath, so I didn’t have to endure stinky child-foot….
Each night they still need me – still want kisses and hugs from mom… And when they’re sick or unhappy, it’s mom they want.
On a “me” note – I’ve done one chapter for each class and have two left for each. I’m going to work on reading today and I’ll go through some of the problems in each too. I also need to read over a case study and start prepping on my answer for it. These two classes will end in June and my department will be going through the transfer to the new community college at that time, so I want to be ahead as much as possible.
The material I’m studying now is denser than my last class, but also incredibly interesting and it has me thinking about my role in everything. Sadly, there was the news this morning, about the CFO of Freddie Mac who killed himself. Of course, we don’t know why and perhaps we won’t ever know… but how sad for his family. And if it was related to his work, it only reinforces for me how important it is to act from an ethical base in all your professional duties… that would be the only way to ensure that you never end up in a place you don’t want to be…
Then again… I sometimes wonder if things can’t spiral out of control.
It IS a strange day. There is an odd energy and I’m not sure where it’s coming from. The best I can do is get my work done, study, and fit in a bit of exercise around the middle of the day. Then I’ll head over to see the Mie Mie family tonight and I’ll try for a game of chess with Bren before it’s bedtime.
Life is full and maybe that’s a good thing. I don’t have time to worry and fret.
That’s it for right now. I want to check in and make sure the office is doing ok.