Finally! (Finals day is here)

Aidan would NOT take a nap yesterday.  After 20 minutes of him standing at the end of his crib, sweetly yelling “MaMa, MaMa…”, I went in and got him out of there.

I put him down to bed for the night about 7-7:30pm, but by that point I was done in.  So no, I didn’t get my final done yesterday.  I’ll study a bit today and at the end of the day, when everyone leaves the office, I’ll do my final in peace and quiet with no possible “kid-interruptions”.

I went to bed relatively early last night and slept like a rock (a bit of Ambien ensured it).  So now I’m feeling well-rested and ready to tackle the material I need to hit before testing today.  I’m just doing a refresher, trying to ensure that it’s all easily and quickly accessible in my brain before I tackle the final.  It’s open book and note, so I suspect I’ll be just fine but I’d hate to blow a chance at keeping my A because I rushed things.  Mum says the perfectionist took over here the last couple of days… well… maybe so.  Still, I might as well start of the degree with strong grades.

That’s the funny thing about all of this…  Passing grades at the graduate level are B’s and A’s – that’s it.  Essentially, it’s like one giant grade category from about 83-100%.  Because of this, no employer will come along after your Master’s degree and inquire about your GPA – they KNOW you have to pass all classes with a B or better.  AND – because I’m not going to pursue any higher (ie, doctorate) education past this point – no one is going to give a rat’s patoot what my grades are.

This may sound like I’m rounding up excuses so I don’t have to push hard for the A, but actually it’s not.  What I’m trying to say is that I need to measure out my effort and not beat myself to a pulp for those ultra-pretty high grades.  Yes, I need to know the material and have a solid understanding of it before I trundle off into my next course[s], but perfection isn’t necessary.  I will be living this material for the next 18 months…. I will know it very well indeed before I’m done.

I guess I’m trying, somehow, to get my brain to back off and just go with the flow of information.  Easier said (or in this case, written) than done for me though.

There will be no special award for me at the end of all this if I have high grades.  There is no pretty gold star or pat on the head from the teacher.  It’s all internal….  it’s all wrapped up in my self-perception and my knowledge of how well I can do when I dig in and focus.

But here’s the downside to that focus – when I focus to that degree, I disengage from other things.  Those ambiguous “other things?”  Well, that would be my children, my home, my husband, my job… friends…. the list goes on.

This would be “opportunity cost”… and it’s simply not worth it.  I will do well and I will work hard, but every now and then, I’ll have to put the brakes on and assess what I’m doing.

And if you think I’m over-analyzing it… trust me I’m not – at least not as far as my family goes.  Saturday I bordered on not doing enough for my family.  I got a lot of studying done, but Brennan watched a massive amount of tv.

At least yesterday he got his homework done and both kids got lots of outside time…

Anyway, it’s all about balancing.  Today I’ll fit in some brief review time and I’ll get that final done.  Then I have a few days of reading to do before Sunday and the next round of classes.

Time to go to work.  Cheers! moonfire


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