Todd woke me up when he got into bed late.  Bren woke me up yelling because he had a nightmare.

I haven’t been able to get back to sleep since that last one.

It’s 5am and I’ve been up since about 3:30-3:45am.

I got to bed about 11pm.

I feel like crap.  This sucks.


So along with the fact that my cheeks are hot and flushed from a massive lack of sleep, I am also feeling that spring urge to clean and purge the house.  Why the hell this feeling had to come over me at 4am is beyond me.  I’ve long suspected that my body has a different biorhythm from the rest of humanity and humanity’s notions of “normal” waking/sleeping patterns.  This does nothing to cure me of that notion.

Makes me want to smack myself up one side of my head and say, wth?

My lack of sleep leads me to two conclusions for the upcoming day:

1. I am going to be grumpy/bitchy/useless all day, until I get my ass to bed tonight.

2. I am going to have a hard time focusing, increasing the likelihood that I will be grumpy/bitchy/useless all day.


Now.  At this point, I am faced with a couple of options… none of which sound appealing.  I can stay up now and type this, then do a bit of cleaning/purging and drinking water, then go about my regular day.  I can stay up, get the family out the door and then let my unit know I’ll be in later so I can return to bed and catch up on a bit of sleep (highly unlikely).  Or.  I can go back to bed for all of 1/2 an hour and toss and turn some more, then I’ll get up at 6am and stagger around, getting the baby ready and proceeding with my day.

All of these options sound unappealing and miserable.

What REALLY stinks is that the endless rounds of sick children and sinus infections have left me with no time off.  I’d take the day and get reset on my internal clock, but all that missed time weighs on my mind.

So here is what WILL happen:  I will drink my water… continue this brief bout of bitching and stay up, starting my day (for all intents and purposes) at 3:45am – to choose a time out of the host of possibilities that were likely this morning.

What do I have waiting at work?  This one is easy – I’m attempting to schedule interviews for the replacement at our front desk.  Yay me.  The choices off the hiring register were sad, pathetic options.  So far I’ve been able to reach one of the choices and the other two haven’t called back.  A simple “no thanks, I’m not interested” would be nice.

Oh well.

But my point is this: I don’t have much that is urgent or pressing at work.  I will spend a good portion of my day working on some studying and waiting for the trickle of items that needs to be done.  Once in a while something will fall my way.

Oh wait! I have the editing job.  Damn.  I should have brought that one home with me.

It hit me, the other day, that my being there seems to be a formality right now.  I fill my time, all the while waiting for the bits and pieces that remain of my job.  Is there any question why I honestly feel my job could be deleted and the office/unit wouldn’t suffer for it?  But this is the state government and we all know that you give up a resource and you’ll never get it back, not without a massive amount of groveling and sniveling.

Well.  I could go on, as I’m usually likely to do, but I’ve decided to be a teensy bit productive.  Or I’ll have a cup of hot tea.

It’s a toss-up.

from moonfire


One thought on “…huh?….gah.

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