Hold on… is it only Thursday?

Aidan was miserable and wailing this morning.  His nose (ie, likely those little tiny sinuses) is bugging him and he woke up purely grumpy.  At one point he looked at me and I could swear he was cussing under his two-year old stinky morning breath.  Poor guy.  I can sympathize.  I didn’t want to get up and I STILL feel like I’ve been run over with a truck full of manure. 

Brennan was spectacular this morning – got dressed (quickly, I might add) on his own and got himself ready in a timely manner, even as his dad and I struggled through our morning routine.  Whatever was bothering him yesterday seems to be better today.  Maybe all it took was spending time with me, although he was a bit of a pill at the tutoring session last night. 

I don’t know.  Is it a weird phase of the moon right now?  What is setting all of us slightly off?  Could it be the ongoing cold weather and being stuck indoors?

I woke up with a killer sore throat this morning and right now I have that wussy, wimpy-muscle feeling that I get when I’m battling a bug.  I want to rage at it and tell it that I simply don’t have time for this, but bugs are notoriously dense about the needs of humans.

Here’s what’s on my plate today: photocopying and delivering paperwork to H&W for the family’s foodstamps and medicaid recertifications.  More apologies to my husband for washing his wallet this morning (plus the fact that the washer locks down while it’s in cycle, so he couldn’t even retrieve it).  Completing “Computers for Kids” paperwork for the two older kids.  Drinking lots of fluids so this bug doesn’t settle in for the long haul.  Finding an accountant who will meet with us to do our amended returns for 2007 and 2008.  Figuring out a way to persuade oldest son to write a story and stretch his brain a bit.  Continuing the effort to get youngest son to actually produce words beyond answering “What does a cat say?”, “What does a dog say?” and “What does a cow say?”

And accomplishing my full-time job, plus updating documentation on my part-time job.

For school?  Continue reading the book, even though they won’t let us access the syllabus yet.  Begin attempts to learn the graphing calculator so I don’t get to the class and find myself in the dark.  Special note: the book is about 500-600 pages.  I’ve made it to 65.  I still need to go back and start answering the questions in the first chapter, so I won’t get to the first week of class and be struggling.

For the record, what this means, schedule-wise, is this:

Monday-Friday, 8-4pm full-time job
Mondays/Wednesdays – 5:00-7:00pm tutoring (plus at minimum 1 hour prep-time each week and 1-2 hours documentation and paperwork per week), this contract will end 4/15.

School – 3 credits graduate class in Finance and Accounting, online class, March 2-April 25.  This will add 10-15 hours of work per week.

Plus assisting the family with paperwork and teaching the dad English on the weekends (not every weekend… I do two and then take one to be with my family).

Add in housework, homework with Bren, spending time with kids and husband, and trying to keep us going financially…

This is why I feel pressure. 

After the tutoring gig is over, I’ll be able to focus on the fun part of being with my kids and the Mie Mie kids.  Starting in the May session of school, I’ll be doing 2 classes at a time.  When I do that, our fun sessions will be one weekday evening and Saturday afternoons.

So I’m going to make a confession right now….  I know it’s an awful thing to say, but I almost wish that I’d get laid off from my full-time job right now.  I know.  Awful.  People are out there, looking for jobs – desperate – and here I am wishing that I’d get laid off.  With unemployment and Todd’s job, plus the payout on my benefits and financial aid, we’d be fine for 6 months and I could get through my graduate certificate.  I could do all this and even pick up some additional tutoring hours starting next August when school goes back into session.

That’s my confession.  I just wish I could get a break from some things, but I can’t.  I know I chose to take on helping the family and I don’t for a moment regret it, although I know life would be marginally easier without it. 

I just wanted to write it out… be able to see it.  I love taking care of both our families and I love being helpful.  I love working with my boys on their learning and I love watching over the details for the families.  I just can’t support my family without this job…  and there aren’t enough of them out there for me to take any chances with my employment status.

I’ll just firm up my spine, make my checklist and keep taking one step at a time.  I’ll fit in sleep and fitness and nutrition into this mix and I’ll make myself as available as I can to my children. 

I’m going to go find a cup of tea or coffee and try to focus.  I think I need an assistant….

moonfire

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