I was walking Brennan into JFK – the before- and after-school program he goes to – and as I was walking, holding his hand, I felt that moment of peace come over me. It’s the one where everything is ok… and I’m just glad to be there. I think it has something to do with feeling his hand, still relatively small but solid, in mine.
I get that same feeling when I cuddle his little brother in the mornings.
The dermatologist asked me Thursday morning what I had to worry about (as I told her that was a big part of why my skin is such a mess)… I remember pausing for a moment, wondering where to begin.
Those worries sit with me every day, but once in a while I have the moments that I felt this morning… the ones where I know we’ll be ok. I have a job… ok. I have two jobs right now. My family is healthy. We have food, shelter, and a way to get to the jobs we do have. My children are sweet, funny, and mostly well-behaved. Our families stick together and we all watch out for each other. We have good friends who understand our busy schedules and still forgive us when it’s been a long time between visits…
We have each other.
No. Things aren’t perfect, but I can live with that. No… I didn’t want to come in to work this morning, but that had more to do with the cold weather, the sore spots from yesterday’s doctor visit, and the fact that I want to hibernate. I made huge strides with getting things done for my refugee family yesterday and it felt so good it made me weepy.
Today I hope to do the same with my job – clear things off my desk and get things done that have been on hold while I dealt with other more pressing needs. I still have a touch of that horrid anxiety and the reality of school starting in two weeks is starting to hit, but I’ve been doing reading for it each night and that counts as something. I’ve got two federal applications to submit today and I am really looking forward to being with my honey and my kids tonight.
Things are good… not perfect, but good. I’m going to sit here for a minute, think about how wonderful that little hand felt in mine today and then I’m going to get my work done.
Cheers to all on this icy February 13th.