I will have to make this relatively brief, as I need to get back to work.
I now understand, much better, the concept of Pandora’s Box. Once you know something you cannot un-know it.
I have found my form of service: helping the family of the children I am tutoring. My family doesn’t have money. Even time is limited… but carving out one small piece to help the dad learn English is something I have to do.
I asked my husband if he thought I was crazy. I told him I KNOW I must not over-extend myself. His reply? You have to do what’s right and you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror each morning. He supports my decision completely and I love him more than ever for it.
Those who know me well know that I am not a religious person. I don’t necessarily believe in church or organized religion. That said, last night I found myself praying to whatever power exists beyond our comprehension… I need strength… I need perserverance… I need the energy and the understanding to be able to do this.
It may end up with him sitting at my kitchen table, side by side with me, while I work on my studies and help him navigate his language studies…. I don’t know how we’ll do it. I hope that if he sees me studying, he’ll understand that it’s normal for adults to be stuck learning new things (this is said tongue-in-cheek)…
All I do know is that I have to do this. I may have to lean on those around me in order to accomplish it, but I know that it’s the right thing to do. If I can make ANY difference for him and the children, it is worth it.
I’m crazy, aren’t I? Maybe that’s all he gets… one crazy lady who is an immigrant too.
The volunteer who has been working with the family just called me. She supports me in this too. She told me she was hoping this would happen. I laughed and told her that she had lured me into it. Peace is realizing that something is not only right, but meant to be. How else can you explain that I love what I’m doing AND I work in a vocational college where we specialize in helping folks to train for a better future?