Laying the groundwork…

Workout clothes are going into the laundry tomorrow… then I’m pulling out my fun hot pink bag to cart gym clothes.  Will scope out the inter-session pool schedule for later in the week and begin figuring out how to deal with the general pool public seeing me in a swimsuit… ugh.

Swimming is my ultimate de-stresser.  It’s something to do with the rhythm of your body and the sound of your breath at the same time.  No other way to describe it.  I love walking (fast, long strides), but swimming has been my big love for a long, long time.  Funny that I had problems with water when I was young and didn’t learn to swim until I was 9.  We’re taking care to ensure that doesn’t happen with Bren now, and later Aidan.

I’m also in contact with someone to do some extra work for them.  I’ll be calling the volunteer coordinator for the children this weekend too.  I’m hoping to set up assessments for Monday and Tuesday (or Wednesday could end up in the mix too).

I’m trying not to get overscheduled, since that will only increase my stress level, but it would sure be nice if I could do these extras and get my brain back in gear.

Tomorrow I will log on and drop my three graduate classes.  It’s a hard thing to do, to admit that no is not the time.  It feels almost like admitting another failure.  Too much is riding on that future degree.  To stand down for now and be open to pursuing it later?  Well, that has to be enough for now.

On another line of thought, one I can’t resist noting because I have a great song stuck in my head… Todd introduced me to a fantastic band called IAMX.  The song that is trapped in my mind right now is called “President.”  The video for it can be found on Youtube, although, as Todd and I found, there are a LOT of amateur vids on there.  Frustrating!  Anyway, the song is amazing and the video is mesmerizing.  The band reminds me of a mix between the sensibilities of Keane and the vocals of Freddie Mercury.  Yum.  The costuming is even very a la Mercury too.

Hmm… back to the day…

The boys were very good.  Bren has a new quirk, one that is changing the movies we’ll allow him to watch.  We’ve always enjoyed action pics, but Bren is now more sensitive to what happens in the stories themselves.  Rather than worry about it, I’ve talked to him at length about how these are make-believe and not real.  More importantly though, we are much more cautious about editing what he’s allowed to see.  It might sound odd to tighten things as he gets older, but the fact is that his understanding is greater now.  Rather than viewing things in an almost “cartoon-like” way, he is beginning to question what is happening in the plot.  He told us tonight that he doesn’t want to see anything in which children might be harmed.  (This came up due to the mini-series Andromeda Strain for A&E – I assured him that the baby girl survived the movie just fine…)

I see this and the conversation that we had as a huge step forward in his way of looking at his world.  I have talked to him many times over the years about the concept of “good guys” and “bad guys” and how they ALL have families and people who love them.  We’ve also had talks about how you might think someone is a good guy, but the actions they do out of fear cause them to do bad things…  And how fear of something can sometimes be because it is different than us.

This newest incarnation in his approach and development is exciting, even as I feel sad that a certain level of his innocence has just evaporated.  I am excited because it is a new level of understanding… and sad that he knows now that children can be hurt or worse.

He sat on my lap for most of the evening and it was wonderful for me (even as I was faintly squished… he’s getting very big!).  The days in which I will be sought after for comfort and cuddling are winding down with him.  No, they aren’t going to be gone soon and yes, it’ll likely be a few more (I hope) years.  It’s more a case that I know I should enjoy the time I have with him.

The challenge tonight was ensuring that lap space was available for BOTH boys.  Sigh…  Maybe that’s why I’m soft and pudgy right now.  If I was skinny, there wouldn’t be enough lap available.

That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.  Want to argue?

I need to go to sleep now.  The boys have been tucked into bed, asleep, for about an hour now.  It’s time for me to do the same.  The dog is lying on the bed and Todd is running an errand for me.  Mum will be home in a while, having ended up with delayed flights back from the coast.  I’m still glad she didn’t drive.  That thought was very scary.

Life is weird, isn’t it?  No matter how much you think you have things figured out, I guarantee there is some small thing you’ve missed or misinterpreted.  Sometimes you just get caught off-guard.  I’d love to have more of the answers… then again, where’s the fun in that?

Cheers,
moonfire.

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