resolve not resolution

Happy first day of 2009!  Here’s to hope!

Rather than attempt a New Year’s resolution that is likely to last a very short time (due to my almost total inability to maintain interest in something so arbitrary), I decided to “resolve” some issues (active voice, thank you very much).

Or to quote Yoda (here comes geek moment) – “Do or do not, there is no try.”

Resolve can mean to break up or separate…  I thought about how this applied and realized that I need to break this pessimistic mood.  I need to break the bad habits I’ve settled into.  I need to break out of the tedium that my job has settled into, realizing that the employment situation is so rough in our area, a change to a new job may take a very, very long time.

Here’s what I’m going to do:

1.  Mental health.  I am depressed and feeling more bleak every day.  I need a “mental vacation” from the worry.  I can’t pursue my dream right now, so I need to regain ground and find something that feeds me.  I love creating from fabric and thread, yarn, beads, and metal wire.  I have ignored these needs for years.  It’s time to regroup and reconnect with my creativity.  I am planning to do some “refresh” and even some new learning in the art of sewing and dressmaking.  Instead of fantasizing about having the time to do it, I’ll take the time and make it mine.

2. Physical health.  This one is multi-fold…  I found some sympathy with one of my fellow bloggers who wrote about her dental health.  I sighed when I read her posting…  I haven’t been to the dentist in years and I need to change that, so I’ll call on Monday and make the appointments for all four of us.  But the bigger issue is my lack of exercise…  swimming is my way to destress.  Well, except that the thought of my ass in a swimsuit makes me VERY stressed, but that’s neither here nor there.  I don’t know what I’ll have to give up, but I’ll do the paperwork for my campus rec pass and enjoy it while I can.

3.  Job.  I have two plans.  The first?  I’m emailing my “big” boss (the dean of admissions for the new community college that we’ll become) and I’m offering my help in whatever manner he needs.  I don’t “officially” work for him yet, as we haven’t transitioned from our university to the cc, but I don’t have enough to do and I feel useless.  Feeling like this makes each day a complete drudgery.  **at this point, the dog started chewing one of the baby’s toys and I had to deal with it, completely interrupting my train of thought and now I can’t remember what I was going to say.  Bear with me while I regroup.**

Oh yeah.  I remember – I’ll need to get our small car (the one that we weren’t able to sell) registered and offer to toodle back and forth if he needs me.  Or, if Todd gets hired on campus, we’ll just keep sharing the van and keep the little car parked.

My boss is overwhelmingly busy, so maybe I can help relieve some of his load.  I know this – I can sit, whining about how miserable I am, or I can accept that I am there and look for ways to be of assistance.  Seems like it should have been a no-brainer, right?  That’s true, but stress and worry were effectively shutting down my brain.  That was in evidence with my studies.

The second part?  I am going to keep my eyes and ears open for training opportunities.  If something comes up that will help me get refreshed on my skills, I’ll go for it.  I’ll continue to evaluate my status with graduate school on a semester by semester basis, but I’ll accept that it may take years.  I’m fine with that, so long as I can find a way to keep improving my employment status in the meantime.

4. My family and friends.  I’ll simply take good care of them and be supportive.

Notice I don’t make any mention of financial health?  I will take care of it no matter what.  There are limits to my mental and physical resources.  These limits have been worsened with the worry.  Whatever is going to happen financially will happen.  Todd will get a job or he won’t.  Rather than add it to a list, where action might not be in my control, I’m going to focus on what I CAN do.

You never know what will flow out of the other actions I’m going to take.

The baby is standing next to me, leaning against my leg while he sucks down juice.  He is warm, soft and solid.  He is reminding me that it’s time to shut down and give him some attention.  I think some breakfast is in my near future.

Enjoy the day…  sure it’s just another in a string of them, but sometimes it’s nice to choose a point to make a fresh start.  Why not January 1st, 2009?



2 thoughts on “resolve not resolution

  1. I know at least one local doc student who would love to contract with you to do a literature review for her dissertation. Just got an e-mail from her. I think she may know someone else as well. Contact me. Aviana aka Ann

  2. I read your “resolves” and resolve to support you in any way I can. A happy New Year should bring ease on all fronts for you and your little family. I wish you ease and serenity.

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