Insomnia blog, #?????

A siren in our neighborhood woke me up at 1:55am and here I am, at 2:45am, still awake.

This sucks.

Todd is hungry, so he’s up cooking.  I’m fretting about any number of things, so I’m up.  Oh yeah.  And I’m really thirsty…. like crazy thirsty.  The problem with being thirsty this early is I drink and drink and drink…. then I pee… and so on.

I get to meet the children I’ll be tutoring this evening.  I’m excited to meet them and I don’t want to be all droopy and tired.  So here I sit.  Awake.

Bren had a very bad night last night.  He wasn’t listening, and this started pretty much from the time we picked him up from the after-school program, all the way through bedtime and beyond.  It was a misery and it left me feeling out of sorts.  I’m really hoping that perhaps today will be a fresh start and he’ll be a bit more relaxed.

But that’s not what I meant to get into and yes, that’s a “mommy digression.”  I’m the master of those, it seems.

Anyway, there is supposedly a holiday program on Friday.  Once again, we haven’t seen anything about it and we don’t know when it is on Friday, except we know “Parents MUST attend,” or small children will have their little feelings hurt.  I swear I haven’t seen anything about it in the millions of pieces of paper because I’ve been looking for it and kind of sad there wasn’t anything.  I figured it was just the PC thing to not have a Christmas program and that was that.

Until Bren mentioned it this week.  In passing.  With no details beyond it was maybe this Friday or possibly next Friday.


Between that and the winter boots we’re taking in to see if the school could give them to one of Brennan’s classmates, I have to get into the school today to find out what’s going on.  I wonder how many other parents don’t know about it???


I’m really tired but I’m wondering what the odds are that I’ll get back to sleep in time to reap the rewards of a rested body for the day.  Not good.  And the battery is dying on my laptop, so this may have to be abbreviated anyway.

Ahh…  That brings me to another note.  It turns out that the laptop for grad school may end up having an even better purpose – laptop to take with me on tutoring sessions.  And that makes my heart happy.  I’ll explain more another time, but it’s just nice to know that it might help in another area.

And the little “time remaining” icon is SO deceptive.  No.  I don’t have over an hour remaining.  I know you’ll poop out on me within 45 minutes because that’s just how you are.

Hey.  I have to say this (which I can, since it’s my blog and really, who’s going to argue with me at 3:01 am?) – I’m excited for Todd and this job possibility he’s applying for.  He thinks if you have 1/2 a brain and a pulse, they’ll hire you, but I still think they sound like a good company.  And I’d be willing to bet they’ll beat the crap out of the money we get with the state.  The location sucks, but that’s life.  We’ll have to keep the little tin can, aka our second small car, but that’s life too.  We’ll already need it because I’ll be tutoring, so now I’m facing reality that I need to get it registered and be prepared to be a two-car family again.  Bah.

I’ll close with this.  I love my kids.  I really wish that they came with instruction manuals.  Sometimes I have no clue why they do what they do…  But I’d still take the insanity with them over the weirdness at work, any old day.

I’m applying for a scholarship and I have to describe my perfect day… and job.  My perfect day would be one spent with kids – both mine and those of other people.  We’d be working together – doing some project – and one of the kids, maybe one who’d been having a hard time with a concept, would have that “AHA” moment and get it.  That’d be a perfect day.  (and my house would be clean and my husband would cook for me and my mum would stop in for a cup of tea)

It’d be even better if it happened at the small, alternative school I’d started on a piece of property we owned here in town.  It’d be a small place, with just a couple of rooms and a school garden and a workshop where the kids could learn about really making things.  I’d hire my friend Helen to teach the older kids and parents about literature, history, and the art of a good argument.  I’d ask my friend, Kevin, to come in once per semester to talk about violin-making.  I’d have my husband come in to teach the technology and music sides…  Mum, who’d be retired by this point, would come in when she wanted to do special topics on batiking and science.

We’d be a community of parents and friends and creative folks….

But yeah.  I’ll settle for a traditional classroom and a chance to do the work I’m understanding more each day that I’m meant to do.  I’ve come to realize that I’ll still be a librarian, but I’ll be a teacher first.  Everything else will just have to fall in line behind that definition.  And if I keep tutoring for a long time…. that’s ok too.  Letting go of preconceived notions is the best thing I can do for myself.

Still not drowsy, but common-sense is taking over.  I wish I could go hug Bren right now.  I’d tell him I was sorry last night ended up being so rough, but things will be fresh and new today.

sweet dreams,


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