Thanks goes out to Joanie for her lovely, and as always, accurate comment. Big thanks for the support coming from Kari too.
Yes to dusting myself off and, as my dear friend Susan says, pulling up my big girl pants and getting on with things. The headache is still here but I’ve maxed on painkillers, so I’ll go to sleep and hope I wake up to a brand new day – headache-free. I got nothing done today… Aidan is definitely not recovered and now Bren is starting to cough. If we can keep the vomiting to a minimum, that’d be nice.
And even if this sounds pessimistic, I’m not feeling that way. I’m tired. I’m sore from a variety of sources. My immune system has taken a sucker punch and it needs a break. I won’t get one tomorrow. I have to get my ass into work and take care of some things. I’m helping out Kellie and I’m hoping being productive there will wear off on me with this posting I need to do to Blackboard.
I have no ability to focus and my eyes feel like two pee-holes in a snowbank. If I feel this crummy with no temp, I can only imagine how Aidan is feeling. And ooh, is he ever pissy. He’s thrown things, hit me, and hit his dad. He’s wailed… He’s thrashed around… He’s told us, in baby babble, that he is not happy with the state of the world.
That reminds me. It appears that we have another one who is speech delayed. I think he’ll still beat Bren on the talking thing, but so far he’s still behind the curve. This is interesting considering, as with Brennan, his receptive speech is excellent. Tonight he was mimicking Bren while Bren was reading a story to us. Aidan had one of the Skippyjon Jones books and was doing his best “reading.” Considering that Bren wouldn’t sit still for a book reading at this age, I’m counting my blessings that Aidan will.
Aidan also listens to no. Something that was a challenge with Brennan. I should note that Aidan’s method of dealing with the word no is to toss down or slam shut whatever it is that I’m telling him to leave alone – with prejudice. Still, it’s something.
The movie tonight, Kung Fu Panda, had some good messages in it. I got it for Brennan to watch, but there were several things said in it that made me stop and think. Yes, it’s perhaps a bit silly to gain insight from a children’s movie, but then again, why not? What I liked most is that we may have a view of ourselves as something less than desirable, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t have something great to offer the world under the pudgy exterior.
There were heavier messages than that, including the magic ingredient is us… nothing external…
But I got something out of the simple part of it all.
So right now, sitting here, partially tucked into bed, I can look around the room and see the laundry I didn’t get accomplished. I can tote up a list of all the things I should have done this weekend and didn’t. I won’t. Nothing here is life and death. I spent time with the munchkins. I laughed with Todd.
The rest will happen.
I will figure out my path and I’ll enjoy the walk as I go along. I get to go into my nice, homey little office tomorrow (my co-workers surprised me with a great new space…) and I’ll get a ton done.
I’m intstituting a new rule. No more beating up on myself. I’m done with it. Self-criticism isn’t doing me any favors. I’ll find something nice to say each day.
I’m going to end this posting on an up-note… I love my kids so much that sometimes it’s almost overwhelming. They can make me totally insane and sometimes I tune out just a bit. But there is nothing like getting kisses good morning from them… or kisses goodnight. There is nothing in life that compares to the smiles I get from them when they first see me in the morning. I love watching them dog-pile on their dad. I love Brennan’s sweet nature and his goofy sense of humor. I love Aidan’s toddler run and the way he jumps when he’s surprised.
I love their feet, their hair, the way they are so different and so sneakily alike.
I love the fact that when the four of us are out together, we look like genetics walking.
I don’t care what else I make of myself in this lifetime, because I am already part of something super and wonderful – my family.
Good night from the craziness of this small part of the world and universe. Tomorrow is a brand new day and anything is possible. With a bit of sleep and some good painkiller, I should be on the path to health tomorrow. Then again…. they are sweet little germ factories…. We’ll just have to see, won’t we?
Cheers and goodnight,