Funny things. Had the appointment with the counselor and it was good…. she gave me some good ideas. But then I got back to the office and found out they’d planned an “un-birthday” for me, to cheer me up. Due to circumstances that happened, they had to take it down but I got the card and “tour” of what they had set up…
Then I had a great chat with one of the managers… and it completely changed my perspective on things. I needed it, especially today. We realized that the best thing we can do right now is simply show up for work and shut up about trying to make things better. I know that sound weird… We’re both “do” people who like to work hard. Our current situation is one where the best thing we can do for management is keep quiet and just hang back. I’ve never been in a job where that was the best thing I could do.
Knowing it, though? It makes all the difference in the world. I’ve been stressing because there aren’t any expectations for me – no structure, no processes, no documentation…. hell, last night I couldn’t even figure out why the hell I was there.
I’m being paid to do a job that a low level flying monkey could probably do… Maybe not that bad, but every time I try to do more I get shot down… augh….
and it’s not like I’m trying to do anything outside of the normal parameters of my job description… they just don’t need me to do it.
Hard to explain, but right now, with fussy baby, that’s as good a description as I can write.
Time to go. I’m going to talk to my honey about it all…. As for school, the one class is dropped and that has taken some pressure off (non-essential pressure at that). The talk with my director helped and I feel like maybe I can refocus. I have to keep reminding myself that I just have to get through the first year and then I’ll get into the things I want to take. It’s just two semesters…
I can do it.
Then the job thing? Well, I’m thinking about doing a tech emphasis so I have a decent shot of being able to stay in this area if I want to.
More tomorrow… Life crisis doesn’t go on hold for mad baby, but writing does…