I’m exhausted. But it’s the perfect fit for me. I did the right thing. It requires all of my strengths and few of my weaknesses.
Even more, it’s a fresh start for me. That’s something that I seriously needed.
Then… tonight, Todd and I went to a dinner at my former dean’s home, with my old department. I got to chat with people and it was good. I was happy to have this chance to say good-bye, informally, to many of the people I worked with.
I even saw the Diva and Todd got to meet her. In a brief conversation she said something to me that was the first truly genuine thing… She told me that this was a much better fit for me and she is absolutely right. Maybe she wasn’t as dense as I thought. I think, more likely, that she had become frustrated with me towards the end. I don’t blame her, but am just glad that I’m out of it. I learned that you can bend yourself to fit new things, but if you don’t play to your strengths, you won’t help anyone.
And today was an incredible experience. My defacto title is “Office Administrator,” even if that isn’t my employment classification. I have much to learn, but I bring the skills that are necessary for that office. I’m excited to set things up and I have substantial leeway on how I do it. What I see most of all is how everything I’ve done over the years so perfectly suits what I’ll be doing. I also see that I have the potential with the department/office for quite a while…. an element of stability that will be a nice foundation to work from while I get my degree.
Tomorrow I have the opportunity to get a great deal of direction from my new boss, even as it’s her last day with the department. I’m going to glean what I can and I’m going to start formulating my plan. I have a lot of work ahead of me, and that doesn’t even include what I’ll be doing for school. Staying organized and flexible is going to be key.
I don’t want to let the department down and I don’t want to let my two staff down. I don’t want to be like the Diva – driving the folks in the department to drink because I am not doing a good job for them. I’ve got a lot to learn and my ears/eyes/mind are open.
I’ve got a choice right now… I can do my best and work hard or I can fold under the pressure and scariness of how new some of this is. The key, this time versus last, is I’m in my element.
Ultimately, it’s all about people – about treating them well and with respect – about remembering that we’re all stuck working full time in order to care for our families. The best thing we can do is take care of each other and stick together.
I refuse to get overwhelmed. I refuse to worry about things I can’t control and I absolutely refuse to let negativity back into my world. It’s been there too long now and it’s time for me to shine.
Time for bed. I’m tired and I want to let sleep take over for now. Tomorrow is another day and Saturday is my big adventure back into academia. I’ve kissed my boys and I’ve had a wonderful night out with my honey – life is very, very good.
Sometimes the tough road is just the road to take to find out where you should truly be…