Putting one foot in front of another

It’s July 1st.  I can’t believe the year is slipping away so quickly.  My good friend at work talked to me about paths that could lead me back to my old department, if I really couldn’t stand being in my current position.  The thing about that is looking back doesn’t necessarily help me.  It doesn’t change the fact that there is one person in that department who makes life difficult for me.  That is, perhaps, not saying it fully.  She made it so I hated going in each day.  She bullied me, inappropriately I might add.

This new situation is at least more along the lines of my simply not liking the style of the person I’m reporting to.  If she were genuine, I’d be so much better off.  She doesn’t understand boundaries and she absolutely does not understand that I cannot support her full time.  I wasn’t hired to support her full time.  She has me for slightly less than 1/2 time and yet I’m spending the majority of my time working on things for her.

It is frustrating and aggravating.  Upper management’s answer to this?  “You’ll just have to work it out with your bosses.”

Lovely.

I’m trying to figure out how it is that I AM supposed to “work this out” when I’m the new person and I’m getting little starting direction from the other team I’m supporting.  I know, they are nice people and see her immediate needs as great.  But you have to start as you mean to go on and this is setting a precedent that she will take full advantage of going forward.

She did this to the last person who came into contact with her.  That person was given a manager position – a professional position – and this woman treated her like a secretary.  Promoted Person left.  It was a no-win situation for her.  I can certainly sympathize, but I am in the support position.

Each day is simply going to be “putting one foot in front of the other.”  I’ll get showered this morning, eat breakfast, find something comfortable to wear in this heat that is not going to give up.  I’ll walk in and slog away.  She has piled assignments on me, knowing full well that I won’t be given access to the necessary database until I’m through the necessary training.  In the meantime, assignments keep rolling in.  I have a big one from the other team and it is slow going because I have to dig for information that no one seems willing to share.  But I’m enjoying that project and hope to get through it in the next couple of weeks.

I worked on our budget last night.  What a misery that was.  We’re hanging in there, by the skin of our teeth, until financial aid comes in.  I put in the paperwork for the fee waiver, but I noticed it hasn’t been processed yet.  I’m a bit worried, but won’t really stress until we get a bit further along in the month.  Sad thing is this, I’ll just get the financial worries lessened when school will start and I’ll need to be balancing ONE more thing into the mix.  I’m hoping that I enjoy my coursework enough that yes, it will be work, but it’ll be offset because I’ll be enjoying what I’m learning.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a situation where I was really excited to be learning.

If the world were going to be better, the ideal thing for me would be to get a higher paying part-time job so that I could free up 10-20 hours per week for school.  That would be a best case scenario.

Even better would be if I was able to get a part-time job in my field.  Given that it is a poorly paying field, I’d say all those scenarios are unlikely (and that’s being REALLY optimistic!).

Bah.  I need to stop meandering on about this.  In the greater scheme of things I think I’m dead in the water.  My mood is dismal, but not black enough to suggest the need for medication (and lately I’ve had doubts if it even helps all that much).  My energy is absent.  My motivation has moved on to greener pastures.  I didn’t get to enjoy my children last night because I was tired and the household was a wreck.  Our lawn is in the process of dying.

If there was someone out there to wave a white flag to, I’d be doing it right now.

This is more than I can take.

As I said in Brennan’s delivery, I want off the bus.

signing off,
moonfire.

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