Oldest son decided (while sitting on the potty) to show off his “shadow puppets…” He used his hands and feet to make shadow characters on the bathroom floor. When I stopped laughing, I called his dad in to check it out. Nice to know that I’m not the only one in the family who could be considered strange.
It’s Friday. I have a stray thought that cropped up last night and wanted to share it because today is a good day and I can let this little bit of emotive fluff loose on the world. Last night I got weepy while I was cuddling Brennan. He is growing so big and often seems very grown up. I hugged him hard and told him that I’m not ready for him to be a big kid yet. He said, “That’s ok mom, I’ve got a long way to go.”
I was weepy this morning when I was thinking about it. I register him for Kindergarten next week and I knew right from when he was born that it would be hard, but I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be in reality. I don’t want to hold him back but I want to keep my little boy for a bit longer.
I cuddle Aidan and I wonder how quickly time will go with him. Will I suddenly be watching his long, lanky body run away to play too? Yes, because that is how life is. I wish my memory wasn’t so fallible, because I’d like to remember the chubby, cuddly stage.
I like the way aging is affecting me… the strands of bright silver that peek out from the top of my head, the laugh lines around my eyes that give my face character… all of it, except perhaps the saggy tummy – but even that is for a good reason (two actually).
What is hard for me is watching how quickly time runs with my children. I can remember being impatient for Brennan to talk so he wouldn’t be so frustrated and now I wonder how I can slow down the minutes.
I’m sure that I’ll love being with them when they are big boys too. I try to imagine them as teenagers and grown men, but right now I can’t. I hope they’ll be nice people – friendly, loving, caring and conscientious. I don’t really want to ask more than that.
And I hope that I keep in mind how important it is to be fully with them while they are young. It slips by between breaths.
I know I’ve blogged this topic before, on my old site but I wanted to revisit it. The weepiness is still here today. I’ll put it down to hormones, lack of sleep or maybe being thrashed due to illness…
The truth might be much more simple than any of that. I am aware of how time is passing. I feel vulnerable to it emotionally. Lucky for me, I get those kisses and hugs when I get home.
That will keep me going.
Cheers on a beautiful Friday,